October 2010

I am 41. I am 5'6". I have blue eyes, sort of curly brown hair, and am pretty average. I think my best feature is my smile, which makes me prettier and shows off my dimples : ) I am also very appreciative of the fact that I only have a few stray gray hairs!

I am not overweight, but would like to be in better shape.  I used to be pretty athletic, but after a serious car accident and having kids, it is an effort I just don't make.

I am not especially feminine - I don't wear a lot of makeup, although I always have my toenails painted and I am a sucker for jewelry. My favorite outfit is a great pair of jeans, a favorite t-shirt, my worn out Doc Martens (they are kick ass cool AND add about two inches) and a hat.

I should say that my dream car is a hybrid or a Smart Car, but the truth is I would love to drive a '63 Corvette or a classic muscle car! I also like motorcycles. And football.

I have been married for 19 years. I have three kids. The oldest, B, is 10. The twins, L and D, are three. Yes, I waited until I was 30 to have kids, and yes, that's a pretty big gap between them. And while I love my kids very much, there are times when I wonder if I made the right choice in having them.

As far as parenting, some days I think I suck, other days I know I am doing OK. I don't really talk about my family too much in my blog because I would rather just enjoy them, not write about them. I also am careful about where I post pics of them or their names. I think they are awesome, but I don't need the whole world to know all about them. They will be their own people someday, awesome and attention-getting and praiseworthy in their own right. I think my job is just to prepare them for that without creating three little egomaniacs.

I grew up in Colorado, went to college in Oklahoma, moved back to Colorado, and then moved to Arkansas, where I have lived for the last 16 years. I like things about Arkansas, but if the opportunity to move away presented itself, I would be all over it. I miss Colorado very much, but would consider other places too.

My husband lost his job in July, 2010. He is trying to get a new business going, but it is a slow process. It is also very stressful, because the two things I am the most uptight about are money and disorder or lack of a plan.

Actually, I am probably considered uptight about many things. I don't think I have always been that way, and I am trying to be less so. I can actually be very spontaneous and flexible, when given the opportunity. My life doesn't leave a lot of room for that, but again, I am working on it.

I have a decent sense of humor, although I admit that I don't like being teased. I try to be a good sport about it though. I am very sarcastic, and see humor in odd places. My friend Gina used to call me smart-weird because you would have to be paying attention and really know me to get why I was laughing sometimes.

I probably used to be more fun/have more fun when I drank. I don't miss drinking exactly, but I do wish I was that relaxed, and open to new things, and in a position to act on an impulse. I love most kinds of music, I miss dancing, and I enjoy doing "cultural" things, like museums and exhibits. I also love to read and attempt to write. I used to paint and draw, but now I mostly doodle things for my kids or work on the occasional crafty project.

I am smart, and I like nice things, but I do not consider myself a snob. I do get annoyed with people who are pretentious or have an inflated opinion of themselves, as well as with people who choose to remain ignorant but not quiet. Lots of people annoy me, but I don't hold a grudge. I whine and complain, but I don't really have a temper.

I am a caffeine addict. My kids know not to ask for anything in the morning until I have started the coffee maker. I am not picky about food. I do not keep chocolate chips in my house because once I open the bag I cannot stop eating them. I am not that way with anything else. I have no allergies except eucalyptus. I am not squeamish about bugs, or mice, killing a snake, cleaning up a mess, or blood, but I tend to cry if the other person cries.

I am not scared of much, but I dislike feeling intimidated, or made to feel foolish or inadequate or vulnerable in some way.

I only wear cotton underwear. I can not sleep in the nude because I can feel every wrinkle or hair or piece of crud. I have a drawer full of pajamas I never wear because I prefer a t-shirt. I hate socks. I hate wearing a bra. I love shoes, but take them off the first chance I get.

I like sex. Don't know if I am any good at it, but I have never had anyone complain :) My husband tells me I am not so hot at oral sex, but he has never turned it down LOL I have explored a few chat rooms, but only to a certain point. I have the drawer of basic sex toys, nothing too kinky. I also just like having a good conversation with someone.

If you have ever taken Psych 101, you will recognize that I have a classic oral fixation. I talk a lot, complete with hand gestures. If I can't talk, I bite my nails. I am really bad about putting stuff in my mouth without realizing it, especially paper clips and toothpicks. I buy Ramen noodles by the case so I can eat the uncooked noodles. If I don't have those, Minute Rice works too.

I did drink quite a bit/quite often at one point. I rarely did drugs though, because I think I was afraid I would like it too much. Pot always just put me to sleep. I did X once and quite liked it. I did too much speed once and it scared the living crap out of me, so I quit doing that.

When I had my car accident, it had nothing to do with being under the influence and everything to do with the weather. That's a whole story in itself. The weirdest thing about that, besides some scars and physical quirks, is that I no longer have a sense of smell.

Mostly, I am pretty comfortable with who I am. There are things I like about myself, things I would like to change, and things I actively try to change. I am a terrible listener, but a good observer. I try to learn from my mistakes so that I do not have to live with any lasting regrets. I try to remember the difference between being comfortable and being stuck, that it's good to meet new people and try new things, and that my way is not the only way.

I have few very close friends, but the ones I do have are friends no matter what. If you take the time to get to know me, and allow me to get to know you, we can be as superficial as "facebook friends", or we can be real friends for the time it makes sense for us to be so. As leery as I am of letting people get too close, for some reason I keep doing it.