I'm a Jewel!!!

I had the best intentions when I left the house this morning.  My kids were going to be well-behaved.  My lesson was going to go as planned.  It was going to be a beautiful day to play outside.

About 20 minutes into church I realized that my children had not gotten the memo.  By 45 minutes in we were camped out in the mother's lounge, with two crying and myself about to start.  We made it to Primary, where it quickly became obvious that many of the children had not gotten the all-important memo, but we proceeded as planned.

At some point, I realized that some of the tension had gone out of me.  I am honestly not sure if it was the music, that other people sort of stepped up, or that I just quit fighting it.  Whatever it was, by the time I left church I was smiling and joking again, as were my kids.

The afternoon was not as warm as I had hoped it would be, but we ended up having a good day anyway.  The twins practiced riding their new bikes, and B and I spent a nice time just talking and making birthday plans.

When I got home, I posted a general thanks on Facebook to the people who had offered a hand, or a kind word, or even a compliment.  I was a bit surprised by the responses.  All day I thought I must have looked like a total basket case.  Apparently I had fooled more than a few people that it was a day like any other.

It was not a day like any other.  On any other day, I would not have been told to go home and remind my husband that "I was a jewel"!

Raggedy Ann

My FB word of the day was "raggedy".  My mom asked me how I decided the word of the day.  I told her it usually came from something I heard in conversation or in passing that just stuck with me.  I didn't tell her that today I picked raggedy because it was the best word I could think of to describe how I was feeling.

How do you tell your mom that you feel a lot like an old doll you had as a kid: well-loved, but also a little bit like you have been dragged through the dirt by one arm?  If you're like me, you don't say a word, you just prop yourself up, plaster on the big smile and hope nobody looks too closely at the eyes.

Heart Pains

I went to bed last night with an ache in my chest.  Made me think of a conversation I recently had with a friend about heartbreak.  I told him the theory that a broken heart isn't a bad thing.  It just means you didn't keep your heart to yourself, but shared it with someone else, and sometimes it gets hurt that way.

Having had my own broken before, I am very careful with other people's hearts.  I am afraid to say that the reason I am feeling crummy is because I may have caused someone else's hurt.

Life

I have this thing I call a life.  It is held together very carefully, with experience, luck, karma, grace, forgiveness, prayer, stubbornness, ritual, chores, caffeine, paint, plaster, caulk, amateur drywall, and sometimes duct tape and sheer will power.  It's mostly pretty solid, but I am constantly reminded that it is a delicate balance between ignoring a few small cracks and how a good swift kick to a weak spot could bring the whole thing down.

Facebook Hangover

I have finally gotten my fill of Facebook.  A combination of events has made what used to be a fun way to kill time into a major annoyance.

First, we have had multiple snow days at home.  I am home with three kids, so it's not like I am going to get a lot done.  In between the regular housework, putting on snowsuits, HGTV binge, taking off snowsuits, and playing with kids, I have logged a month's worth of Facebook time.  It has been a great way to share weather reports and snow day photos with each other, as well as the usual news and comments.  It has also provoked more than a few comments about "global warming".

During this same time, President Obama delivered the State of the Union Address, Sarah Palin headlined the Tea Party Convention, and the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl.  These events generated more commentary than usual, much of which I disagreed with or just found irritating.  I didn't really weigh in, but others did.  Several times I quit following a thread because it was either going nowhere, or it was just getting stupid or mean.  I bit my tongue and refused to make a crack about the Saints winning the Super Bowl and hell freezing over and climate change.

And then Facebook changed the format.  This means that it takes more effort to find what/who I am looking for.  I don't mind the change.  As soon as I get used to it, it will change again anyway.  But I did decide that since everyone online seemed to be suffering from cabin fever, and the whole vibe was confined to negative commentary on things we can't really control, then it was not worth the effort.

At this point, I am continuing to run Facebook in the background, because I have wireless internet and I can.  Also, I am taking the opportunity to compose more lengthy emails to people I am interested in keeping in touch with, and it is easier to do through FB in some cases.  But I am not following along, playing along, or even posting much.  I am sure that the hangover will wear off.  Maybe about the same time the snow melts.