Ellie and Bubba J - The End

It's over. No big declaration or epiphany, not even anything specific. Not that anybody's asking, but let's just say that I invoked the Mom Rule - It's over...because I said so.

And because this is strictly an internal decision, I don't really have to explain the childish compulsion to test the elasticity of the rule. But I will say that when this song came on today, I listened all the way through with changing it - just to see if I could.

I Can "Support" This

Ha ha - July 9th is National No Bra Day. So what that this is a lame non-event created for Facebook - it just means every day is a holiday for some of us LOL

Gray Matters, Extended Version

I started this blog as a place to park all of the random thoughts that kept me from sleeping or from being otherwise productive. Then lately I haven't had reliable access to internet/computer except at work so I have resorted to the old-school strategy of making lists. Today I realized I was making lists of lists I needed to make, and I finally said "enough". So for now at least I am back to blogging in an effort to organize some of what has been making me nuts.

In a nutshell, it's not so much the quantity as the (to me at least) enormity of some of what is going on:

• L's business is going OK, but it has not completely replaced the salary he lost. Since we were not in great financial shape to begin with, this is really starting to stress me out. I won't go into detail because a) it makes me sound whiny and b) it doesn't help, but suffice it to say we are one more ER visit or major repair away from financial disaster.
• I have stayed at my job longer than I would have because it provides some stability and benefits. However, some big changes are coming in that department as well. I work for a boss who almost never gets in a hurry or gets excited, so when she does it is understood that I will drop everything and panic/adapt along with her. Sometimes this is temporary, but I think this time I am not going to adapt well, hence the panic. Trying to stay calm until I know more, but in light of the above, it's hard to do.
• I don't know yet if we will really move or not, but it is still on the table. Anyone who knows me knows that I have talked about living just about anywhere else besides Arkansas so the irony is not lost on me that I am freaking out a bit once a real opportunity presents itself. It's a good business opportunity, but it will require a job change for me, which has its pros and cons, and a financial situation that will probably get worse before it gets better. It's hard to see the pros to that, at least with a family to consider.

So, I make lists, or seek temporary distractions, but in the end no task or activity will make much difference until the big decisions are made - what is best for my family and my sanity - it doesn't get much bigger than that.

As for sleeping, I think that has become my other coping strategy. Off to self medicate sleep. 'Night.

Gray Matters

Yeah, who am I kidding - I got nothin'. Will try to get my head together and post something later tonight, hopefully more than the same ol' random crap that has been circulating in my brain the last couple of weeks.

Always Waiting

I am uh-zaaasted, as B used to say. This trip to DC was a disaster in the making from the beginning. We waited until the last minute to commit to going, then even later to decide when I would return for sure. (There was a not-so-remote possibility that L would join me for the end of the week so we could check out the possibility of moving to Maryland. That is still a slight possibility, but it won't be decided this week.)

It's OK that I didn't have to have a personal life for a couple of days because work took up all of my time. The meetings themselves were mostly alright, but the planning was terrible. Then of course the return flight, which was where things fell apart. Between weather, overbooking and unexplained cancellations, I ended up getting home about midnight last night. It could have been worse (at one point they had me hopping all over the country and getting home sometime today), but the Delta people were very nice and only a couple of passengers were not. I sat next to a very interesting guy, my luggage made it home, hell, I made it home, so it all worked out in the end.

Today will be an easier day and tonight I will see my kids again before another crazy weekend with too many obligations. By next week life will get back to our version of normal, with maybe even time to acknowledge my 20th wedding anniversary, which falls sometime in the middle of all this.

Also Untitled

Untitled

Someday

Not So Random

Nothing new to add except that I have finally booked my flight to DC and that swimming lessons seems to be a hit so far. This week and next are just crazy busy between kids' activities, work and church, and getting ready to go out of town. We'll blame that for my lack of any original thoughts lately LOL

Random Update Plus

• kitten found a new home that was less stressful than ours. now we have some stray dog hanging around that we can't seem to get rid of.
• still haven't booked a flight to DC! was waiting to see if it was going to be for the whole week or just a few days. looks like it will be just the original 4 days, so...
• B is gone to OK until Sunday
• kids will start swimming lessons on Monday
• found my jump drive :)
• dropped off resume at BSD this morning
• high temp today is only supposed to be 94. sad when that is considered a relief. what a totally strange year so far, weather-wise.
• heard the stripper song yesterday. cranked it up with a smirk LOL

The Weird Girl

I had a Goth phase. I cut all of my hair off, except for a long chunk at the front. I died all of it black, then added purple highlights to the bit in front. I am naturally pale anyway, but I used white-based makeup, accented by lots of black eye makeup and bright red lipstick. I only wore black, except for this funky purple cape-thing when it was very cold. I didn't have money for DMs, so I wore my black Converse high-tops. I wore them with everything, even skirts. I had my ears pierced five times. In the first two, I wore mismatched earrings, sometimes including a safety pin. In the next two, I wore normal earrings. In the one up high, I wore a small silver stud. I wore a lot of other jewelry too, mostly silver or black with weird things hanging from it. I have one picture of me from this time, but a good point of reference would be too google Robert Smith.

More Randomness

• we have a new kitten - she survived the night, now to see if she makes it all day with our two already pets bothering her
• I have misplaced the jump drive that had my best stuff on it :( Most of it was crap anyway, so no great loss, but still
• my knee feels much better today - I think I just popped it wrong
• will probably cave and turn on the AC - I slept OK last night, but only because I was exhausted, not because it was comfortable
• still having a hard time focusing on anything important (would much rather be flopped in the hammock reading a good book) but I'll have to get organized soon - school is almost officially out, then baseball will be over, I haven't booked a flight to DC yet...

OK, OK, back to work.