So I finally completed the latest issue of the newsletter, about a month late. I knew it would be delayed somewhat because the prez and the ED wouldn't get me their articles until after the spring meetings. I did everything else I could ahead of time, and was hoping to just insert their content and be finished, but it didn't work that way. About the time we returned from traveling for the meetings, I discovered my computer had a problem that required it to be sent off for repairs. I did as much as I could, and saved it all to work on at home. Then the prez finally sent his article. It was longer than I had space for, so I basically started over, working from a flash drive and a different version of the software. I scrapped a few things, moved things around, and actually came up with a better version that the original. But one of the things I could not find space for was a photo.
I shared the update version with my coworkers for their review. Both commented on the fact that the photo got cut, and I agreed that it was too bad, because it was a great photo. Then one had to comment that it was too bad that one article was so long (it was the front page article, FFS) and wondered if I could make that other thing smaller (not if I want people to be able to read it). The other asked me where I came up with the front page article anyway (it was suggested by a member).
Notice how nobody offered to change what they had submitted? Yeah, me either.
Showing posts with label AARRGGHH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label AARRGGHH. Show all posts
May 24, 2017
June 6, 2016
Mary, Mary, Quite the B*tch
My organization publishes a quarterly newsletter for our members. My job description states that I am responsible for gathering, editing and laying out the newsletter with assistance from staff and others. Gathering consists of me reminding the board prez and the director that I need their articles, requesting the applicable content from M, the office/travel manager and others, and then filling the rest of the pages with news and content. I try not to edit the first two so that their messages have a distinct "voice". The content I provide is already edited as I write and insert it. Most of the content from M does not require editing because it just lists the information from a database. The travel section however is a freaking nightmare every time.
First of all, she sends it to me already formatted. This is a pain because it is formatted for Word, but not for the program I use to publish. So I spend too much time changing the formatting to fit the publication template. Second of all, she does not like me to edit the trip descriptions at all, even though when I do it is to make the listings uniform (heading, date, description, price, etc.) or so that I can avoid a widow or cut a line for space. You know, for pics and content more interesting than heading, date, description, price. Third, she expects me to include an entire column of content describing the travel program itself.
This last is the most annoying. First, it takes up too much space that could be used to tell or show the actual trips. Second, she uses a narrative style instead of easy to read bullet points to give basic information. It is poorly written with incomplete sentences and info like the web address and phone number buried in the middle of a paragraph. Third, one whole poorly-written paragraph is a testimonial for our travel agency. This would be less annoying if she didn't have a regular hissy fit about people trying to use our publication to get to our members.
For this last issue, she sent it to me and pointed out that she had rewritten the descriptive column. It was worse than before. I entered all of the trip listings first so I would know how much space I had to work with, and then I tackled the column. I tried to compromise, leaving some of it like it was before and adding the new content she had provided. It read OK and fit the space, but she was not happy about me changing it and let me know it.
I explained everything I said above, but stopped short of telling her that her writing was terrible. So she "tweaked it" and sent it back with the comment that it should fit the space as written, as if that was the problem. This time she included a closing and her name.
With her rewrite, she included the original trip descriptions. This time, I cut and pasted everything exactly as she had written it. The only changes I made were to the formatting so that it at least looked like it should. I did not spell check it. I did not correct her punctuation. I did not inquire about missing info on one of the descriptions. I cut and pasted everything exactly as she had written it, including her signature.She glanced at it long enough to see that I had put her column as written and never looked at the rest of it because her material doesn't need edited.
Part of me is glad that we got the issue out in time, in spite of this and several other challenges. But another part of me is angry that I put out an issue that wasn't as good as it should have been. As the editor, that is my job too. Even the board prez and the director actually want me to double-check them and make them look and sound good. Part of me hopes no one reads it that closely or thinks poorly of my editorial and publishing skills when they do. The b*tch in me dares her to say anything about the "errors" so that I can point out that they were her errors, with her signature, and that I tried several times to fix them.
This is both true and not true. I did try to fix them in a way that was satisfactory to us both. Her refusal to compromise on even one word, in spite of the fact that I am the editor and it is my job, defies logic. I keep telling myself that it is her signature on it, not mine, but that is not entirely true either.
First of all, she sends it to me already formatted. This is a pain because it is formatted for Word, but not for the program I use to publish. So I spend too much time changing the formatting to fit the publication template. Second of all, she does not like me to edit the trip descriptions at all, even though when I do it is to make the listings uniform (heading, date, description, price, etc.) or so that I can avoid a widow or cut a line for space. You know, for pics and content more interesting than heading, date, description, price. Third, she expects me to include an entire column of content describing the travel program itself.
This last is the most annoying. First, it takes up too much space that could be used to tell or show the actual trips. Second, she uses a narrative style instead of easy to read bullet points to give basic information. It is poorly written with incomplete sentences and info like the web address and phone number buried in the middle of a paragraph. Third, one whole poorly-written paragraph is a testimonial for our travel agency. This would be less annoying if she didn't have a regular hissy fit about people trying to use our publication to get to our members.
For this last issue, she sent it to me and pointed out that she had rewritten the descriptive column. It was worse than before. I entered all of the trip listings first so I would know how much space I had to work with, and then I tackled the column. I tried to compromise, leaving some of it like it was before and adding the new content she had provided. It read OK and fit the space, but she was not happy about me changing it and let me know it.
I explained everything I said above, but stopped short of telling her that her writing was terrible. So she "tweaked it" and sent it back with the comment that it should fit the space as written, as if that was the problem. This time she included a closing and her name.
With her rewrite, she included the original trip descriptions. This time, I cut and pasted everything exactly as she had written it. The only changes I made were to the formatting so that it at least looked like it should. I did not spell check it. I did not correct her punctuation. I did not inquire about missing info on one of the descriptions. I cut and pasted everything exactly as she had written it, including her signature.She glanced at it long enough to see that I had put her column as written and never looked at the rest of it because her material doesn't need edited.
Part of me is glad that we got the issue out in time, in spite of this and several other challenges. But another part of me is angry that I put out an issue that wasn't as good as it should have been. As the editor, that is my job too. Even the board prez and the director actually want me to double-check them and make them look and sound good. Part of me hopes no one reads it that closely or thinks poorly of my editorial and publishing skills when they do. The b*tch in me dares her to say anything about the "errors" so that I can point out that they were her errors, with her signature, and that I tried several times to fix them.
This is both true and not true. I did try to fix them in a way that was satisfactory to us both. Her refusal to compromise on even one word, in spite of the fact that I am the editor and it is my job, defies logic. I keep telling myself that it is her signature on it, not mine, but that is not entirely true either.
August 29, 2014
August was the Month
August was the month that I went from really liking what I do to just having a job. The job itself didn't change, but the office dynamic did.
Our office is located in an apartment building. We have a one-bedroom apartment that has been made into two offices for three people. The director had the private office (bedroom) and M and I shared the outer office (living/dining area). Most of the time this worked because all three of us are part-time employees. Sometimes on Wed and Thurs, when M and I overlapped, it was a little loud and crowded, but it didn't keep me from being able to work. Apparently it bothered M, who complained about it to J, the building manager and "wondered" if our storage space down the hall could be turned into a third office. J sent a blanket email stating that the cost to make the space functional was prohibitive, especially since we do not pay rent. (yes, you read that part right). She suggested an alternate configuration, which made sense, but the whole thing was overstepping her bounds as far as our office management goes. D, the director, made a passing comment on this fact, but obviously took it under consideration. It was decided that D would take my desk, since she is in and out of the office the most, M would keep hers, since she is the office manager, and I would move into D's office so I could have space to spread out my projects. It feels a little weird to be the low man on the totem pole and still get a private office, but it really does make sense.
Prior to this, I had made arrangements to be out of the office for a few days. This also apparently bothered M when one day at lunch I referred to my upcoming vacation. She bristled, and said we don't get vacation. You could tell she was annoyed from then on. When J asked me about it the next day, I stopped her and said "There has been some clarification. I am taking THREE DAYS OFF and my kids can call it whatever the F*** they want." No one really discussed it after that.
Knowing that I was about to be out of the office, I worked hard to get everything done that I needed to do before I went. Then I came in on Wednesday to find that M had spent Mon and Tue rearranging the office. Her space was nice and organized, D's space was ready to go, and my office was full of boxes and equipment! In spite of wearing a skirt and heels, I spent the day rearranging furniture, locating the most important files and items, and crawling around hooking up computers. M made a few comments throughout the day that seemed a little passive-aggressive, but I smiled and worked through it. By the end of the day Fri my office looked a whole better and I felt like my absence was going to be okay.
Fast forward to yesterday, when my pay check was "adjusted" for my absence. While no one said it in so many words, I probably shouldn't have been surprised. Really surprised wasn't the word for it as much as aggravated. I knew that those days would need to be made up. I also thought that D and I had agreed they would be made up in the next month as we prepare for the convention. What frustrates me is the less than transparent way it has been handled, leaving me feeling a little blindsided.
So now I feel the need to document everything, which I didn't before. If the new policy is going to be getting paid strictly on time in the office, then that is how I will proceed. But my pissiness about documenting my time isn't really about recovering the lost wages. It's that now I no longer feel compelled to check my work email from home on days I don't go to the office. Now if I bring work home I will feel like I am being taken advantage of, rather than doing a little extra now to make work go more smoothly later. Now it's just a job.
But if there is some latent passive-aggressiveness in me, it will surely take pleasure in the fact that I can show up at the office on a day M isn't expecting me. My very presence will undoubtedly irritate her, but what can I say? I believe it's called a benefit :)
Our office is located in an apartment building. We have a one-bedroom apartment that has been made into two offices for three people. The director had the private office (bedroom) and M and I shared the outer office (living/dining area). Most of the time this worked because all three of us are part-time employees. Sometimes on Wed and Thurs, when M and I overlapped, it was a little loud and crowded, but it didn't keep me from being able to work. Apparently it bothered M, who complained about it to J, the building manager and "wondered" if our storage space down the hall could be turned into a third office. J sent a blanket email stating that the cost to make the space functional was prohibitive, especially since we do not pay rent. (yes, you read that part right). She suggested an alternate configuration, which made sense, but the whole thing was overstepping her bounds as far as our office management goes. D, the director, made a passing comment on this fact, but obviously took it under consideration. It was decided that D would take my desk, since she is in and out of the office the most, M would keep hers, since she is the office manager, and I would move into D's office so I could have space to spread out my projects. It feels a little weird to be the low man on the totem pole and still get a private office, but it really does make sense.
Prior to this, I had made arrangements to be out of the office for a few days. This also apparently bothered M when one day at lunch I referred to my upcoming vacation. She bristled, and said we don't get vacation. You could tell she was annoyed from then on. When J asked me about it the next day, I stopped her and said "There has been some clarification. I am taking THREE DAYS OFF and my kids can call it whatever the F*** they want." No one really discussed it after that.
Knowing that I was about to be out of the office, I worked hard to get everything done that I needed to do before I went. Then I came in on Wednesday to find that M had spent Mon and Tue rearranging the office. Her space was nice and organized, D's space was ready to go, and my office was full of boxes and equipment! In spite of wearing a skirt and heels, I spent the day rearranging furniture, locating the most important files and items, and crawling around hooking up computers. M made a few comments throughout the day that seemed a little passive-aggressive, but I smiled and worked through it. By the end of the day Fri my office looked a whole better and I felt like my absence was going to be okay.
Fast forward to yesterday, when my pay check was "adjusted" for my absence. While no one said it in so many words, I probably shouldn't have been surprised. Really surprised wasn't the word for it as much as aggravated. I knew that those days would need to be made up. I also thought that D and I had agreed they would be made up in the next month as we prepare for the convention. What frustrates me is the less than transparent way it has been handled, leaving me feeling a little blindsided.
So now I feel the need to document everything, which I didn't before. If the new policy is going to be getting paid strictly on time in the office, then that is how I will proceed. But my pissiness about documenting my time isn't really about recovering the lost wages. It's that now I no longer feel compelled to check my work email from home on days I don't go to the office. Now if I bring work home I will feel like I am being taken advantage of, rather than doing a little extra now to make work go more smoothly later. Now it's just a job.
But if there is some latent passive-aggressiveness in me, it will surely take pleasure in the fact that I can show up at the office on a day M isn't expecting me. My very presence will undoubtedly irritate her, but what can I say? I believe it's called a benefit :)
July 29, 2013
Undecided
Untitled. Undecided. Un-whatever - this has been a really very crappy couple of days.
The trip to Branson was actually OK. The weather was fantastic, the resort was nice, the kids had a great time. I could have stood to stay another day, maybe.
But, I got some disturbing news, and I am not sure yet what to do with/about it. I can see even as I write that I am going to need to think a little more about it before I do anything.
Then I got to work today to find the chaos has accelerated into like super chaos or something. Not sure about this either, but the difference is that I have limited control over how this turns out. Suffice it to say that I am longer waiting until after the conference to step up the job search.
I am headed to home to face a tedious task I can no longer avoid, so even home won't be that relaxing tonight.
And to think that I was just hoping to get around to posting about the dream I had of living in a hotel with a lobby big enough for the kids to ride their bikes and a lesbian roommate who specialized in stir fry.
Hmmpphh - Happy freaking Monday.
The trip to Branson was actually OK. The weather was fantastic, the resort was nice, the kids had a great time. I could have stood to stay another day, maybe.
But, I got some disturbing news, and I am not sure yet what to do with/about it. I can see even as I write that I am going to need to think a little more about it before I do anything.
Then I got to work today to find the chaos has accelerated into like super chaos or something. Not sure about this either, but the difference is that I have limited control over how this turns out. Suffice it to say that I am longer waiting until after the conference to step up the job search.
I am headed to home to face a tedious task I can no longer avoid, so even home won't be that relaxing tonight.
And to think that I was just hoping to get around to posting about the dream I had of living in a hotel with a lobby big enough for the kids to ride their bikes and a lesbian roommate who specialized in stir fry.
Hmmpphh - Happy freaking Monday.
August 5, 2012
It's Criminal
Don't know what's more annoying - my own family forgot my birthday, or my mom posted my age on Facebook. Not feeling pitiful, actually kind of laughing, with a little help from the song of the day:
December 13, 2011
Stuff
that is just plain pissing me off today:
people who are afraid to drive in traffic, and therefore only come to the city during the holidays
conspiracy theorists
people who think God gives a rats ass about football
my boss
people who are afraid to drive in traffic, and therefore only come to the city during the holidays
conspiracy theorists
people who think God gives a rats ass about football
my boss
December 1, 2011
Content Warning
Seriously, do not read this post if you are squeamish.
I may be taking off work for a funeral tomorrow. The husband of a friend of L's killed himself. At home. In front of her and two of her teenage sons. After he closed his three young daughters in their room.
L hasn't decided if he wants to go to the funeral or not. He is so furious and sick about the whole thing that he is afraid he won't be able to say anything helpful for Michelle. I feel for Michelle too, and for the boys, and I know this will be hard for them. Even though I do not consider her a friend exactly, I wish there was something I could do or say to make this time easier for her.
For some reason though, I hurt the most for three little girls I have never even met. When they came out of their room, hours later, they were taken to another house, where they have been all week. They'll return home when they're ready. There they will find everything like it was before, because the house has been cleaned by a professional crime scene clean up crew. Only their dad won't be there any more. And they can't go to their mom, because apparently she has mental problems. And Michelle is their best hope.
What can I say that would possibly make this better for anyone?
I may be taking off work for a funeral tomorrow. The husband of a friend of L's killed himself. At home. In front of her and two of her teenage sons. After he closed his three young daughters in their room.
L hasn't decided if he wants to go to the funeral or not. He is so furious and sick about the whole thing that he is afraid he won't be able to say anything helpful for Michelle. I feel for Michelle too, and for the boys, and I know this will be hard for them. Even though I do not consider her a friend exactly, I wish there was something I could do or say to make this time easier for her.
For some reason though, I hurt the most for three little girls I have never even met. When they came out of their room, hours later, they were taken to another house, where they have been all week. They'll return home when they're ready. There they will find everything like it was before, because the house has been cleaned by a professional crime scene clean up crew. Only their dad won't be there any more. And they can't go to their mom, because apparently she has mental problems. And Michelle is their best hope.
What can I say that would possibly make this better for anyone?
November 11, 2011
Hiding on the Web
I maintain three websites, two blogs and a Facebook presence for work. I am a contributor/admin on two group blogs. I am also supposed to be working on an electronic newsletter for work and a web site for my husband. All that in addition to my personal email and Facebook accounts and a dummy site that I practice web site on. So why am I here of all places?
I am not really here to write. I tried, but the best I could come up with was typing the word F***. Couldn't quite get the feeling across no matter how big I made the font.
I guess I am here because of all the "places" I can be while sitting at my desk, this is the most private. Here I can sit and stare at a screen and type a few words and try to get my act together so I can go out and spend the rest of the day being "social".
I am not really here to write. I tried, but the best I could come up with was typing the word F***. Couldn't quite get the feeling across no matter how big I made the font.
I guess I am here because of all the "places" I can be while sitting at my desk, this is the most private. Here I can sit and stare at a screen and type a few words and try to get my act together so I can go out and spend the rest of the day being "social".
October 11, 2011
Focus
No random thoughts lately because they are all focused on just a few things. In a nutshell:
Officially sold the apartments. No more Slumlord Chronicles. Bad in terms of blog fodder, but good in most ways that matter.
B is rockin' it at football. Headed out for a game in a few minutes, thanks to cancellation of another meeting.
Twins are busy with soccer. They seem to be having fun and doing pretty well.
Work is kicking my ass. I am not going to give the run down here because I already have more to-do lists going than I can keep track of. If I don't feel the love after next week, I am definitely going to work on parlaying my awesome skills into a better job.
Not writing at all lately, not even the blog. I do have a presentation tomorrow, as well as two other big events I am working on. Glad tonight was rescheduled, I needed a break. I sort of lost track of which day it was at some point today but better now.
Back to the grind for now, then back to "normal" soon.
Officially sold the apartments. No more Slumlord Chronicles. Bad in terms of blog fodder, but good in most ways that matter.
B is rockin' it at football. Headed out for a game in a few minutes, thanks to cancellation of another meeting.
Twins are busy with soccer. They seem to be having fun and doing pretty well.
Work is kicking my ass. I am not going to give the run down here because I already have more to-do lists going than I can keep track of. If I don't feel the love after next week, I am definitely going to work on parlaying my awesome skills into a better job.
Not writing at all lately, not even the blog. I do have a presentation tomorrow, as well as two other big events I am working on. Glad tonight was rescheduled, I needed a break. I sort of lost track of which day it was at some point today but better now.
Back to the grind for now, then back to "normal" soon.
September 22, 2011
Oh Come On
I do my fair share of whining and self-pitying, but I also recognize that in the grand scheme of things I don't have it so bad. I have enough of what I need, most of the time, with few exceptions. But every once in a while it would be nice to have something I just want, just because. I don't feel any sense of entitlement other than to have a fair chance. I am basically pragmatic, and try to stop short of being downright cynical. I know I probably won't win the lottery, but could I please just catch a break once in a while? Could something not get lost or broken until I was ready to replace it? Could I get a GOOD surprise once in awhile? Could I have something, anything, turn out the way I expected? For example, I don't expect the a-hole who took my new bicycle to return it, but could I least have a dog that would actually keep someone besides the pizza guy out of my yard?
July 3, 2011
No Title - Just Pissed
It has been a couple of hours but I am still so angry I will probably be up for awhile.
I have a niece. She is close in age to the twins, and the three of them get along really well. She has only spent the night with my mother-in-law a few times, but never at our house even though she has been invited. So this weekend there was a funeral for a friend of my husband's family. I offered to babysit so my sister-in-law could go to the funeral, and also offered to keep Lily for the weekend, since L is working and I didn't have big plans. She took me up on the offer and we made plans for Lily to stay with us until Monday night or Tuesday morning, at which point she would go to my in-laws'/her great-grandma's for a day or two.
So yesterday was fine. I had four kids under the age of six, plus random 11 year-old boys wandering in and out. Lily was good all day, except when she was tired. She did fine today at church, sitting with her cousins and going to class without a fuss. Tonight we went to a community picnic with my in-laws. All three of the little kids were hot and tired and ready to go home. As we loaded the car, Lily whined a little about going to grandma's. I had pretty much convinced her coming home with us would be great, because her clothes and her special bear were here waiting for her, and I have promised them all homemade blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She was waiting for us to pile in the car, when B comes along and tries to tell her goodbye, have fun at grandma's. I give him the evil eye, while using my best patient voice to say that no, Lily needs to get in the car with me, she's not going to grandma's until tomorrow. She proceeds to start whining again and grandma takes her hand and says OK, you can just come with me, at which point I sort of lost it.
I said something like "whatever, I'm done", when my mother-in-law pipes up and says "I totally understand". If she said more, I didn't hear it because I got in the van and left, thinking you so obviously don't understand, you stupid f***ing cow, or you would have just put her in the car and told her you'd see her tomorrow. So I leave the parking lot, simultaneously yelling at B for opening his mouth, cursing my mother-in-law in my head, trying to think of a suitable answer for my two about why Lily isn't coming with us and ignoring the ringing phone because I don't feel sure I will be able to be civil.
I do answer L's call, and it turns out he needs me to stop so he can get a car seat, Lily is coming with us after all. I stop and let him get the seat, but leave before clueless lady pulls in. Half way home L calls again and says Lily wouldn't get in the car with him but was crying about her bear. He told her if she wanted the bear, she had to come to his house. He was calling to give me a heads up that his mom just might be willing to drive 18 miles to pick up the stupid bear, but I wasn't worried.
Why wasn't I worried?
BECAUSE AS MOST PARENTS OF AN EXHAUSTED PRESCHOOLER CAN TELL YOU, SHE WAS GOING TO F***ING BE ASLEEP AS SOON AS THE CAR GOT MOVING, AND TOMORROW SHE WON'T REMEMBER THAT SHE HADN'T WANTED TO COME, JUST WONDER WHERE THE TWINS ARE.
Thing is, I wasn't surprised that Lily wanted to go to grandma's, so I am not upset about that. I am just upset that after all this time, the woman doesn't get when it is OK to be the grandparent and spoil them a little, and when it is not OK to be the parent. Instead, she traded me one slightly whiny one for two who kept asking questions I couldn't politely answer (Lily didn't want to come to our house - why? + possible tears. Or Lily wanted to go to grandma's - well, I wanted to go to grandma's too. Or Lily needs to learn that whining doesn't get you what you want - that will come back to bite me on the butt). She also showed Lily that whining will indeed get her what she wants. Her gran is sure going to appreciate that by the end of the week.
Speaking of whom, I had one text and one voice mail from her asking how Lily was doing. I was a coward and just texted her back, saying Lily was fine, she was at her grandma's tonight.
So while there were no fireworks at the picnic, there were definitely some angry sparks shooting from my direction. Still a little pissed, and trying not to be a baby, what's best for Lily, blah blah blah.
Now I get to spend the day with mine tomorrow, who were asleep half-way home (big surprise) but who will be very disappointed that Lily isn't here when they wake up. As for Lily, that poor kid already has two addicts for parents, a grandma trying to raise her, a great-grandma who will be on my list for a few days over this, and a day missed with the most normal people in her family. Or at least I hope to be after sleeping on it myself.
I hope clueless lady finds one very pissed off daughter-in-law and three disappointed grand kids to be a good trade for an extra day with the one grandchild she was already going to spend several days with. As for me, I am going to enjoy the hell out of pancakes made with other people's blueberries!!!
I have a niece. She is close in age to the twins, and the three of them get along really well. She has only spent the night with my mother-in-law a few times, but never at our house even though she has been invited. So this weekend there was a funeral for a friend of my husband's family. I offered to babysit so my sister-in-law could go to the funeral, and also offered to keep Lily for the weekend, since L is working and I didn't have big plans. She took me up on the offer and we made plans for Lily to stay with us until Monday night or Tuesday morning, at which point she would go to my in-laws'/her great-grandma's for a day or two.
So yesterday was fine. I had four kids under the age of six, plus random 11 year-old boys wandering in and out. Lily was good all day, except when she was tired. She did fine today at church, sitting with her cousins and going to class without a fuss. Tonight we went to a community picnic with my in-laws. All three of the little kids were hot and tired and ready to go home. As we loaded the car, Lily whined a little about going to grandma's. I had pretty much convinced her coming home with us would be great, because her clothes and her special bear were here waiting for her, and I have promised them all homemade blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She was waiting for us to pile in the car, when B comes along and tries to tell her goodbye, have fun at grandma's. I give him the evil eye, while using my best patient voice to say that no, Lily needs to get in the car with me, she's not going to grandma's until tomorrow. She proceeds to start whining again and grandma takes her hand and says OK, you can just come with me, at which point I sort of lost it.
I said something like "whatever, I'm done", when my mother-in-law pipes up and says "I totally understand". If she said more, I didn't hear it because I got in the van and left, thinking you so obviously don't understand, you stupid f***ing cow, or you would have just put her in the car and told her you'd see her tomorrow. So I leave the parking lot, simultaneously yelling at B for opening his mouth, cursing my mother-in-law in my head, trying to think of a suitable answer for my two about why Lily isn't coming with us and ignoring the ringing phone because I don't feel sure I will be able to be civil.
I do answer L's call, and it turns out he needs me to stop so he can get a car seat, Lily is coming with us after all. I stop and let him get the seat, but leave before clueless lady pulls in. Half way home L calls again and says Lily wouldn't get in the car with him but was crying about her bear. He told her if she wanted the bear, she had to come to his house. He was calling to give me a heads up that his mom just might be willing to drive 18 miles to pick up the stupid bear, but I wasn't worried.
Why wasn't I worried?
BECAUSE AS MOST PARENTS OF AN EXHAUSTED PRESCHOOLER CAN TELL YOU, SHE WAS GOING TO F***ING BE ASLEEP AS SOON AS THE CAR GOT MOVING, AND TOMORROW SHE WON'T REMEMBER THAT SHE HADN'T WANTED TO COME, JUST WONDER WHERE THE TWINS ARE.
Thing is, I wasn't surprised that Lily wanted to go to grandma's, so I am not upset about that. I am just upset that after all this time, the woman doesn't get when it is OK to be the grandparent and spoil them a little, and when it is not OK to be the parent. Instead, she traded me one slightly whiny one for two who kept asking questions I couldn't politely answer (Lily didn't want to come to our house - why? + possible tears. Or Lily wanted to go to grandma's - well, I wanted to go to grandma's too. Or Lily needs to learn that whining doesn't get you what you want - that will come back to bite me on the butt). She also showed Lily that whining will indeed get her what she wants. Her gran is sure going to appreciate that by the end of the week.
Speaking of whom, I had one text and one voice mail from her asking how Lily was doing. I was a coward and just texted her back, saying Lily was fine, she was at her grandma's tonight.
So while there were no fireworks at the picnic, there were definitely some angry sparks shooting from my direction. Still a little pissed, and trying not to be a baby, what's best for Lily, blah blah blah.
Now I get to spend the day with mine tomorrow, who were asleep half-way home (big surprise) but who will be very disappointed that Lily isn't here when they wake up. As for Lily, that poor kid already has two addicts for parents, a grandma trying to raise her, a great-grandma who will be on my list for a few days over this, and a day missed with the most normal people in her family. Or at least I hope to be after sleeping on it myself.
I hope clueless lady finds one very pissed off daughter-in-law and three disappointed grand kids to be a good trade for an extra day with the one grandchild she was already going to spend several days with. As for me, I am going to enjoy the hell out of pancakes made with other people's blueberries!!!
May 2, 2011
Long Week of Long Days and Nights
Possible reasons I didn't sleep too well last night:
- Thunderstorms don't really keep me awake. Sleeping in a room that is directly under a really big tree, after a week that included tornadoes, keeps me awake.
- Too much coffee too late in the day.
- "Who is Chad?"
- Took an alternate route to work, but if it keeps raining like it is now, that route will also be under water by tonight.
- Computer is acting stupid again.
- Looking more and more like we are going to have to cut L's hair to get rid of head lice :-(
April 22, 2011
Picture This
I have drafted this post in my head a few times, but haven't written it until now. Something about committing it to "paper" makes it more real, and therefore more pathetic. So why now? To take my mind off the pain where I whacked my wrist reaching for the knob on the radio when it turned out I could not in fact listen to that song subjectively.
So, things that I used to think made people white trash, until they happened to me but are now things I try to laugh at, so as not to cry:
So, things that I used to think made people white trash, until they happened to me but are now things I try to laugh at, so as not to cry:
- One of my children came home with head lice.
- The dog shredded the mini blind on the big window facing the street. I left it up way too long because I couldn't afford to replace it, not even with a Confederate flag or a pee-stained Spiderman sheet.
- I took the insurance check and paid bills with it instead of getting the hail damage on the Mom Mobile fixed. (Because why spend money on body work when your hub cap is held on with zip ties?)
- I instinctively look up when I see water on the floor because it is only a matter of time before the roof leaks in a noticeable spot.
- I sent Little Debbie snacks that had been salvaged from the expired bin for my kids' Easter party contribution.
- For that matter, I have convinced my kids that Vienna Sausage and crackers with cheese spread is a treat reserved for once a week.
- And yes, I am still married to a man who wears a uniform with his name on a patch sewn above the pocket. (On the "plus" side, I am now greeted as Mrs. Monkey by the
hagcustomer service rep at the wholesale filter supplier.)
March 29, 2011
Grind on This
So I went to the dentist today for a routine cleaning, blah blah blah. No cavities, some sensitive spots, still grinding my teeth. I can't wear a mouthpiece because I literally chew it up and spit it out in my sleep. I have resisted getting a custom one because a) the geek factor and b) the expense, but the dentist doesn't push it. Instead, he asks if I have had anything especially stressful going on since my last visit.
Well, Dr. Brad, there's the fact that my husband lost his job last summer. He has been trying to get a business of his own up and running, some months with more success than others. In the meantime, I am covering all of the household bills, which now include health and dental insurance, but not B's orthodontic expenses. My job is OK, although sometimes my boss annoys the crap out of me. I cover her butt all the time and make excuses and apologies for her. I don't like looking helpless, which I fell this does, but I haven't got a better option yet. Working on it, secure in the knowledge that she probably wouldn't fire me even if I did nothing, because she knows I could get her in trouble.
I am driving a van with 207,000 miles on it and no idea when we will be able to replace it. The fan makes a screeching noise which I hide by cranking up the (high-quality factory) radio. I am not paying daycare and try to pretend I don't know where that money is coming from. I also cross my fingers every time it storms because we have random leak in our roof, in addition to all of the other assorted things that need done to our house. I would secretly wish for a tornado to come along if I didn't suspect that our homeowner's insurance is woefully inadequate.
The apartments are doing OK, although they are not exactly an asset these days. We are only spending money on the essentials and putting things off as much as we can. I am trying to think of a cool birthday gift/party for B that doesn't cost a fortune.
Aside from the money stress, one of my children managed to bring home head lice, which is a pain in the butt I don't need right now. I have been washing and treating everything in sight, trying to get rid of them before a whole baseball team gets them. And speaking of baseball, L and D's coach is all worried about what color of socks and pants do we want and do we want their names on their shirts, blah blah blah. I would grab her by the shoulders and tell her to shut her pie hole and let them actually practice instead of playing in the dirt, except she outweighs me by at least 50 pounds.
Add to that the fact that I have been just generally down for the last couple of weeks. I have really wished I had someone to talk to about all of this, but I have no idea who that would be. Facebook is useless, not close enough to my family members to tell them everything that is on my mind, and the couple of people I might otherwise open up to are busy with their own lives right now. So does that leave me unloading to my hair stylist? Nope, can't afford her right now. My dentist? To his question about stress, I just said "Mmmm, not really."
And I go out into the world with a big smile to show off my nice clean teeth, hoping no one notices that the smile doesn't quite reach the rest of my face.
Well, Dr. Brad, there's the fact that my husband lost his job last summer. He has been trying to get a business of his own up and running, some months with more success than others. In the meantime, I am covering all of the household bills, which now include health and dental insurance, but not B's orthodontic expenses. My job is OK, although sometimes my boss annoys the crap out of me. I cover her butt all the time and make excuses and apologies for her. I don't like looking helpless, which I fell this does, but I haven't got a better option yet. Working on it, secure in the knowledge that she probably wouldn't fire me even if I did nothing, because she knows I could get her in trouble.
I am driving a van with 207,000 miles on it and no idea when we will be able to replace it. The fan makes a screeching noise which I hide by cranking up the (high-quality factory) radio. I am not paying daycare and try to pretend I don't know where that money is coming from. I also cross my fingers every time it storms because we have random leak in our roof, in addition to all of the other assorted things that need done to our house. I would secretly wish for a tornado to come along if I didn't suspect that our homeowner's insurance is woefully inadequate.
The apartments are doing OK, although they are not exactly an asset these days. We are only spending money on the essentials and putting things off as much as we can. I am trying to think of a cool birthday gift/party for B that doesn't cost a fortune.
Aside from the money stress, one of my children managed to bring home head lice, which is a pain in the butt I don't need right now. I have been washing and treating everything in sight, trying to get rid of them before a whole baseball team gets them. And speaking of baseball, L and D's coach is all worried about what color of socks and pants do we want and do we want their names on their shirts, blah blah blah. I would grab her by the shoulders and tell her to shut her pie hole and let them actually practice instead of playing in the dirt, except she outweighs me by at least 50 pounds.
Add to that the fact that I have been just generally down for the last couple of weeks. I have really wished I had someone to talk to about all of this, but I have no idea who that would be. Facebook is useless, not close enough to my family members to tell them everything that is on my mind, and the couple of people I might otherwise open up to are busy with their own lives right now. So does that leave me unloading to my hair stylist? Nope, can't afford her right now. My dentist? To his question about stress, I just said "Mmmm, not really."
And I go out into the world with a big smile to show off my nice clean teeth, hoping no one notices that the smile doesn't quite reach the rest of my face.
March 4, 2011
Well, Crap
I was going to waste a Friday afternoon doing the following:
OK, so I am not really prone to panic attacks. That's hyperbole for focusing more on a personal issue rather than work, and because it happened in the afternoon, and I didn't get a satisfactory conclusion, I will spend the whole drive home obsessing about it.
And I really just wanted to find a cool pic of a garden gnome :-(
- trying to think of a clever theme for an event
- coming up with post about my lame fascination with garden gnomes
- tracking down the source of the song I heard yesterday
OK, so I am not really prone to panic attacks. That's hyperbole for focusing more on a personal issue rather than work, and because it happened in the afternoon, and I didn't get a satisfactory conclusion, I will spend the whole drive home obsessing about it.
And I really just wanted to find a cool pic of a garden gnome :-(
January 31, 2011
I am not a Pisces
I am not a Pisces - the phrase that keeps coming to mind as I grow more and more annoyed with my boss. A couple of weeks ago we were snickering at the news of a possible 13th zodiac sign. She felt pretty strongly that she was a Pisces no matter what anyone else said, and went on to list her defining character traits. Not being a horoscope fanatic, I had to take her word for it that some of her most annoying personality characteristics can be chalked up to her zodiac sign.
Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to figure out how to talk to her about some changes I would like to make to my job. Turns out maybe it's not that she is crap at management and that I'm not good at explaining clearly why I am frustrated. Maybe I just haven't picked a day that was good for both of us, according to our respective horoscopes.
Since the beginning of the year I have been trying to figure out how to talk to her about some changes I would like to make to my job. Turns out maybe it's not that she is crap at management and that I'm not good at explaining clearly why I am frustrated. Maybe I just haven't picked a day that was good for both of us, according to our respective horoscopes.
January 26, 2011
No Joke
Weird. I was searching through my email folders looking for funny mail I wanted to share when I came across an old email from Him. I thought I had deleted all of those, but I was wrong. Of course I can't concentrate after reading it, but not for the reason I would have expected. It's not because I have some plethora of thoughts or emotions to sort through, but the exact opposite. I am trying hard to discern any specific feeling at all and I can't. I'm not sure if this should make me relieved, or glad, or sad, or what. And I still need a joke for my meeting.
January 8, 2011
The Truth According to Elmo
OK, so I didn't tell the whole truth. The infamous Him once asked me if I had talked to anyone about us and I just told him not exactly. The truth is that a few people in Chat Room # Whatever probably heard more of the whole story than any of my friends. When people asked me what I was up to, I just said I was bored because my usual late-night chat buddy was busy. You know, with his wife. A few people asked questions, but nobody really seemed surprised by the story. I got a few offers to go private or web chat, but that wasn't really what I was looking for. Neither was the advice on how to turn those late night chats into "sexting" (interesting thought, advice less necessary than reciprocal interest). I did chat with a couple of them at other times, but I haven't talked to either of them again since I quit logging in to Yahoo Messenger last summer.
Mainly I am an old-school girl, not really into icky chat rooms, content enough with tickling Elmo to one of a handful of standard fantasies that didn't include creeps and married men I met online. One of these fantasies was based on my memories of Him from years ago. One was based on what might happen if we ever met up again. Suffice it to say that both of those fantasies, along with a couple of others, have been royally f***ed up, and not in a good way.
I could get all philosophical about how fantasizing about some guy from college is not very healthy. I could get bummed that I didn't/don't have more memorable-in-a-good-way sexual experiences. I could be cerebral and explain why having a fantasy in my head actually makes the act of self-pleasure less pathetic. But the truth is, I get annoyed. That's because aside from all of the uninvited "feelings" and crazy emotional crap he left me to sort out, he still manages to intrude into my most private thoughts when it is least convenient. I get annoyed because something basic and basically enjoyable now requires too much thought. Yes, I get annoyed because the old fantasies don't work anymore, and I haven't found a suitable replacement.
I could point out that it doesn't mean Elmo and I won't keep working on it :-)
Mainly I am an old-school girl, not really into icky chat rooms, content enough with tickling Elmo to one of a handful of standard fantasies that didn't include creeps and married men I met online. One of these fantasies was based on my memories of Him from years ago. One was based on what might happen if we ever met up again. Suffice it to say that both of those fantasies, along with a couple of others, have been royally f***ed up, and not in a good way.
I could get all philosophical about how fantasizing about some guy from college is not very healthy. I could get bummed that I didn't/don't have more memorable-in-a-good-way sexual experiences. I could be cerebral and explain why having a fantasy in my head actually makes the act of self-pleasure less pathetic. But the truth is, I get annoyed. That's because aside from all of the uninvited "feelings" and crazy emotional crap he left me to sort out, he still manages to intrude into my most private thoughts when it is least convenient. I get annoyed because something basic and basically enjoyable now requires too much thought. Yes, I get annoyed because the old fantasies don't work anymore, and I haven't found a suitable replacement.
I could point out that it doesn't mean Elmo and I won't keep working on it :-)
December 30, 2010
December 10, 2010
Today's Numbers
50 - the high temperature today
30 - what it felt like
8 - the number of pockets I have searched for my misplaced debit card
6- the number of appointments I have scheduled for the next 2 months
4 - the average age of the two family members who have not antagonized me today
2 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized
1 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized who called me on it
1 - the number of people I purposely antagonized :-)
? - the number of people I probably antagonized without even realizing it, or antagonized and could not care less about
and finally...
2 4 - the number of ounces of alcohol I put in my cup when no one was looking :-)
30 - what it felt like
8 - the number of pockets I have searched for my misplaced debit card
6- the number of appointments I have scheduled for the next 2 months
4 - the average age of the two family members who have not antagonized me today
2 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized
1 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized who called me on it
1 - the number of people I purposely antagonized :-)
? - the number of people I probably antagonized without even realizing it, or antagonized and could not care less about
and finally...
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