Picture This

I have drafted this post in my head a few times, but haven't written it until now. Something about committing it to "paper" makes it more real, and therefore more pathetic. So why now? To take my mind off the pain where I whacked my wrist reaching for the knob on the radio when it turned out I could not in fact listen to that song subjectively.

So, things that I used to think made people white trash, until they happened to me but are now things I try to laugh at, so as not to cry:

• One of my children came home with head lice.
• The dog shredded the mini blind on the big window facing the street. I left it up way too long because I couldn't afford to replace it, not even with a Confederate flag or a pee-stained Spiderman sheet.
• I took the insurance check and paid bills with it instead of getting the hail damage on the Mom Mobile fixed. (Because why spend money on body work when your hub cap is held on with zip ties?)
• I instinctively look up when I see water on the floor because it is only a matter of time before the roof leaks in a noticeable spot.
• I sent Little Debbie snacks that had been salvaged from the expired bin for my kids' Easter party contribution.
• For that matter, I have convinced my kids that Vienna Sausage and crackers with cheese spread is a treat reserved for once a week.
• And yes, I am still married to a man who wears a uniform with his name on a patch sewn above the pocket. (On the "plus" side, I am now greeted as Mrs. Monkey by the hag customer service rep at the wholesale filter supplier.)