I wasn't planning to write any big important end-of-the-year post, but I do have this...
~ It's actually a great day outside (tornado watch notwithstanding).
~ My horoscope for the new year looks good. I don't normally pay attention to stuff like that, but I woke up with the feeling that 2011 was going to be my year, and this "confirmed" it.
~ I am feeling more positive and in control today. Will try to hold on to those feelings.
~ I have a plan. Even when I don't stick to it, I always feel better having one.
And I have tasks to check off, which will make it feel as if I had a productive today. So a bit early, before I get sidetracked, goodbye to all of the things that distracted, depressed and drained me in 2010. Hello new things to do and dream about.
December 31, 2010
December 30, 2010
End of the Day
And this is what I am left with:
We may be buying the Miata back!
The high tomorrow is supposed to be 71. "Unseasonably warm with a chance of severe storms" is a way of covering their butts if we get a tornado, which has been known to happen in January, if not December.
The fortune was lame, but at least I got one. Last time the cookie was empty. Don't want to know if that is supposed to mean something or not.
And f***ing traitorous knees. The right one (the one that has not most recently been worked on) is killing me for no apparent reason, which probably means it's time to have it scoped again. You heard it here first-bet I have another surgery before the next year is out.
We may be buying the Miata back!
The high tomorrow is supposed to be 71. "Unseasonably warm with a chance of severe storms" is a way of covering their butts if we get a tornado, which has been known to happen in January, if not December.
The fortune was lame, but at least I got one. Last time the cookie was empty. Don't want to know if that is supposed to mean something or not.
And f***ing traitorous knees. The right one (the one that has not most recently been worked on) is killing me for no apparent reason, which probably means it's time to have it scoped again. You heard it here first-bet I have another surgery before the next year is out.
December 29, 2010
Songs of the Day
This one because I haven't heard it in awhile:
And this one because it fits the day:
And this one because it fits the day:
December 28, 2010
The Rule of Four
This post is a bit outdated, but I am going to write it anyway so that the one currently in my head will make more sense when I get around to writing it.
When I had the twins, I read or heard from more than one source that a lot of the chaos would settle down after four months. At the time I laughed. Not because I didn't think the chaos would settle down, but because four months seemed kind of arbitrary, not like one or two, or even three or six. Then one day I made it to work sort of on time, in clothes that didn't have spit up down the back, with my hair in something other than a knot. Someone asked me how old the twins were and as I stopped to calculate, I was surprised to find that they were almost exactly four months old. Sure enough, the chaos had settled down as predicted, right on schedule and with little fanfare.
Awhile back, I found myself changing what had become a daily habit of compulsively checking for signs of Him. At first I had to consciously allow myself to check only once a day, until one day I was surprised to find that I had skipped a day without noticing. The next time, I had to consciously go through the routine, as if it was more of a chore to be checked off. A quick calculation told me that it had been about four months since I had last heard from him. I am not a believer in signs, or fate, but even I could see the time had come to move on. Since then, I have have only looked in the old places if something has prompted me, with no specific feelings about the matter.
A couple of weeks later I was pondering this "rule of four" and did some more math. It had been about four months since L officially began working for himself again. I tried to think of any big milestone that had been reached. I got my answer a couple of days later when in the course of discussing the business L reported that he had paid a large bill from the working account, not from the original investment. It will be awhile before the business is actually making a profit, but four months in and we are not borrowing faster than we are earning. Looking ahead four more months, it will not only be what passes for spring in the south, it will also be much nicer for working outdoors for awhile. Maybe not a milestone, but the thought of settling into a predictable routine is good right now.
I doubt the rule of four applies to everything, or surely I would have heard of it before? Nevertheless, I am grateful when it does work, and hope the next bit of chaos is a long way away before I have to test the rule again.
When I had the twins, I read or heard from more than one source that a lot of the chaos would settle down after four months. At the time I laughed. Not because I didn't think the chaos would settle down, but because four months seemed kind of arbitrary, not like one or two, or even three or six. Then one day I made it to work sort of on time, in clothes that didn't have spit up down the back, with my hair in something other than a knot. Someone asked me how old the twins were and as I stopped to calculate, I was surprised to find that they were almost exactly four months old. Sure enough, the chaos had settled down as predicted, right on schedule and with little fanfare.
Awhile back, I found myself changing what had become a daily habit of compulsively checking for signs of Him. At first I had to consciously allow myself to check only once a day, until one day I was surprised to find that I had skipped a day without noticing. The next time, I had to consciously go through the routine, as if it was more of a chore to be checked off. A quick calculation told me that it had been about four months since I had last heard from him. I am not a believer in signs, or fate, but even I could see the time had come to move on. Since then, I have have only looked in the old places if something has prompted me, with no specific feelings about the matter.
A couple of weeks later I was pondering this "rule of four" and did some more math. It had been about four months since L officially began working for himself again. I tried to think of any big milestone that had been reached. I got my answer a couple of days later when in the course of discussing the business L reported that he had paid a large bill from the working account, not from the original investment. It will be awhile before the business is actually making a profit, but four months in and we are not borrowing faster than we are earning. Looking ahead four more months, it will not only be what passes for spring in the south, it will also be much nicer for working outdoors for awhile. Maybe not a milestone, but the thought of settling into a predictable routine is good right now.
I doubt the rule of four applies to everything, or surely I would have heard of it before? Nevertheless, I am grateful when it does work, and hope the next bit of chaos is a long way away before I have to test the rule again.
December 20, 2010
Christmas Nuts
Got to work today and the parking lot was only partially full. No surprise, but oddly enough two, yes two people managed to annoy me. Fortunately, the first guy had breakaway mirrors, so when I left I just folded his mirror in and got in my van anyway :-) The second guy had taken it upon himself to direct traffic. At first I thought he was just standing in the way while waiting on someone else. Turns out he was "holding" a spot for someone else. After they pulled in, he kindly took a tiny step sideways and motioned for me to go around. At least that's what it looked like in my rear view mirror :-)
An another note, Pejo got fixed today. For somebody who got his boy parts snipped, he was remarkably hyper when I picked him up. Probably just because he was glad to leave the mad house that is our vet's office.
Starting to feel sort of festive finally, which is good, considering Christmas is almost here. Going to pick up the last two chairs to go with my new-ish dining set tomorrow, and kids will be home. Then everything will be a different kind of crazy for a while.
An another note, Pejo got fixed today. For somebody who got his boy parts snipped, he was remarkably hyper when I picked him up. Probably just because he was glad to leave the mad house that is our vet's office.
Starting to feel sort of festive finally, which is good, considering Christmas is almost here. Going to pick up the last two chairs to go with my new-ish dining set tomorrow, and kids will be home. Then everything will be a different kind of crazy for a while.
December 11, 2010
Maintenance
I asked a guy I dated for some time in college if he considered me "high maintenance". He pointed out that we had more of a long distance relationship, seeing each other mostly on weekends and occasionally during the week. He was right. Once our schedule was such that we saw each other every day, we didn't last very long. It wasn't that we didn't like each other anymore. We just didn't need each other full-time.
Thinking about it now, I still don't think I am high maintenance. I am more just a regular maintenance kind of girl. Now if I only knew a reliable maintenance man :-)
Thinking about it now, I still don't think I am high maintenance. I am more just a regular maintenance kind of girl. Now if I only knew a reliable maintenance man :-)
December 10, 2010
Today's Numbers
50 - the high temperature today
30 - what it felt like
8 - the number of pockets I have searched for my misplaced debit card
6- the number of appointments I have scheduled for the next 2 months
4 - the average age of the two family members who have not antagonized me today
2 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized
1 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized who called me on it
1 - the number of people I purposely antagonized :-)
? - the number of people I probably antagonized without even realizing it, or antagonized and could not care less about
and finally...
2 4 - the number of ounces of alcohol I put in my cup when no one was looking :-)
30 - what it felt like
8 - the number of pockets I have searched for my misplaced debit card
6- the number of appointments I have scheduled for the next 2 months
4 - the average age of the two family members who have not antagonized me today
2 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized
1 - the number of people I inadvertently antagonized who called me on it
1 - the number of people I purposely antagonized :-)
? - the number of people I probably antagonized without even realizing it, or antagonized and could not care less about
and finally...
December 9, 2010
Dave
Not sure why, but I was reminded of him today.
In my freshman year of college, I knew a guy named Dave. When school let out for the summer, I stuck around for summer school. He was from there and happened to know the friend I was staying with for a few weeks. We went out a few times, but the most memorable evening was not what I would call a date.
Dave was a pretty talented artist. His portfolio consisted mainly of snapshots of his work, which turned out to be mostly graffiti. One night he asked if I wanted to go with him and another friend. It was pretty much as you'd imagine, the three of us dressed in black, Dave with a backpack full of supplies. Andy's job was to listen for police cruisers while Dave worked. After a few amateur attempts, I just hung back and watched. He really was amazing.
He showed me some other stuff he had done too, in a studio on campus. It was traditional painting, and it was also very good. Then I found out that he didn't really have access to the building, but had been climbing in through the window.
After I moved into an apartment, I didn't see him any more. But later that summer, someone caused an explosion in the art building. I worked in the PR office, so we were responsible for making some kind of statement about the situation. When I found out Dave had been arrested, I let slip that I knew him. My bosses wanted to know if I would like to make a statement, but I did not.
I wasn't really surprised that Dave had been trying to make a pipe bomb that accidentally exploded. But I was mad that someone with that much talent wasn't using it better. I would have given anything to have half the talent he had. I would try looking him up, but a) I can't remember his last name, and b) I suspect he doesn't want to be found.
In my freshman year of college, I knew a guy named Dave. When school let out for the summer, I stuck around for summer school. He was from there and happened to know the friend I was staying with for a few weeks. We went out a few times, but the most memorable evening was not what I would call a date.
Dave was a pretty talented artist. His portfolio consisted mainly of snapshots of his work, which turned out to be mostly graffiti. One night he asked if I wanted to go with him and another friend. It was pretty much as you'd imagine, the three of us dressed in black, Dave with a backpack full of supplies. Andy's job was to listen for police cruisers while Dave worked. After a few amateur attempts, I just hung back and watched. He really was amazing.
He showed me some other stuff he had done too, in a studio on campus. It was traditional painting, and it was also very good. Then I found out that he didn't really have access to the building, but had been climbing in through the window.
After I moved into an apartment, I didn't see him any more. But later that summer, someone caused an explosion in the art building. I worked in the PR office, so we were responsible for making some kind of statement about the situation. When I found out Dave had been arrested, I let slip that I knew him. My bosses wanted to know if I would like to make a statement, but I did not.
I wasn't really surprised that Dave had been trying to make a pipe bomb that accidentally exploded. But I was mad that someone with that much talent wasn't using it better. I would have given anything to have half the talent he had. I would try looking him up, but a) I can't remember his last name, and b) I suspect he doesn't want to be found.
Just Being Myself
Just came from giving blood. I don't usually leave there feeling bad exactly, but it's also not like I go there expecting to have fun. Maybe because I have kind of a couldn't give a crap attitude today, or maybe because the staff was so nice, or maybe just because it was a slow day at the lab, I actually had a good time.
The check-in took forever because the tech and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. Then she stood and talked to me through the whole donation process, which she didn't have to do. I thought I might get to read the Times while I sat in the lounge afterward, but some other tech came over and started talking to me about donating platelets. I agreed to give it a try. He came back flipping though a binder and apologized for his old-fashioned appointment book. This reminded me of something funny that happened in New Orleans so I told him about it. It went something like this:
Guy next to me at bar (who has already annoyed both me and the bartender): Do you know where X is?
Me: Sort of. Let me show you. (I proceed to get out my handy-dandy map and the guy sort of snickers.) Yeah, I'm a low-tech girl.
Guy, as he pokes at his iPhone: Well, I'm a high-tech guy.
Me: Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding it (under my breath "tool")
The Red Cross tech laughs and makes the comment that he thinks I am going to fit in just fine around there.
The whole drive back, I am thinking to myself that I just made two strangers laugh and got an invitation to come back. Granted, they don't want me back for eight weeks and they probably only want me for my blood, but it did feel good, just being myself again for a little while.
The check-in took forever because the tech and I were talking about all sorts of stuff. Then she stood and talked to me through the whole donation process, which she didn't have to do. I thought I might get to read the Times while I sat in the lounge afterward, but some other tech came over and started talking to me about donating platelets. I agreed to give it a try. He came back flipping though a binder and apologized for his old-fashioned appointment book. This reminded me of something funny that happened in New Orleans so I told him about it. It went something like this:
Guy next to me at bar (who has already annoyed both me and the bartender): Do you know where X is?
Me: Sort of. Let me show you. (I proceed to get out my handy-dandy map and the guy sort of snickers.) Yeah, I'm a low-tech girl.
Guy, as he pokes at his iPhone: Well, I'm a high-tech guy.
Me: Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding it (under my breath "tool")
The Red Cross tech laughs and makes the comment that he thinks I am going to fit in just fine around there.
The whole drive back, I am thinking to myself that I just made two strangers laugh and got an invitation to come back. Granted, they don't want me back for eight weeks and they probably only want me for my blood, but it did feel good, just being myself again for a little while.
December 7, 2010
Opinions, I Got 'Em
Yeah, I have opinions about all sorts of things - books, TV, sports, relationships, pop culture, politics, religion, the environment and many other social issues. Problem is, I don't have time to write a well-researched, well-reasoned, well-written post, which is ideally the kind I would want to write.
A great way to develop my thoughts on a topic is by talking about it with someone. Problem is, I don't really have that someone. I have family, and coworkers, and acquaintances with whom I have one or two things in common, but no real friends. Circumstances are such that I don't really have a social life, which really sucks. I wasn't really sitting around feeling sorry for myself about it until the other day though.
An online community I belong to had Wish List Weekend, where members could post their holiday wish lists. When I finally got around to reading them, I had quite a few stored up. In retrospect, this was not a very good idea, as reading all of them in one sitting made for some pretty sad reading. Some of the posts were funny, some were very genuine, some poignant, some downright pathetic.
One of the most unique was from a young woman whose wish was for a friend. My first thought when I read it was "Me too", then some disappointment that I couldn't offer to be her friend in any way other than online. I have been thinking about her post a lot. I think it takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to know what you need and to not be afraid to ask or look for it.
The new year is coming up. While I am not big on resolutions I have been thinking about changes I would like to make, things I would like to take on, etc. and I have a pretty good idea of what those things are. They include the usual, like exercising more, managing my time better, and to continue writing in various forums. They also include two new ones. They are things I know I can and should do. They things that will have nice benefits if I can follow through. They are things that will require me to listen to and accept opinions I may not share.
Wish me luck :-)
A great way to develop my thoughts on a topic is by talking about it with someone. Problem is, I don't really have that someone. I have family, and coworkers, and acquaintances with whom I have one or two things in common, but no real friends. Circumstances are such that I don't really have a social life, which really sucks. I wasn't really sitting around feeling sorry for myself about it until the other day though.
An online community I belong to had Wish List Weekend, where members could post their holiday wish lists. When I finally got around to reading them, I had quite a few stored up. In retrospect, this was not a very good idea, as reading all of them in one sitting made for some pretty sad reading. Some of the posts were funny, some were very genuine, some poignant, some downright pathetic.
One of the most unique was from a young woman whose wish was for a friend. My first thought when I read it was "Me too", then some disappointment that I couldn't offer to be her friend in any way other than online. I have been thinking about her post a lot. I think it takes a lot of self-awareness and courage to know what you need and to not be afraid to ask or look for it.
The new year is coming up. While I am not big on resolutions I have been thinking about changes I would like to make, things I would like to take on, etc. and I have a pretty good idea of what those things are. They include the usual, like exercising more, managing my time better, and to continue writing in various forums. They also include two new ones. They are things I know I can and should do. They things that will have nice benefits if I can follow through. They are things that will require me to listen to and accept opinions I may not share.
Wish me luck :-)
December 6, 2010
Minor Chips and Cracks
I dreamt I got a manicure. At a bar. From a woman my dad knew. It turned out surprisingly well, all things considered.
Other than the odd dream, I slept OK. I used to think I didn't sleep well when I was preoccupied with things. Now I think I sleep to avoid things I don't want to deal with. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of maintaining some sense of normalcy. Something that happened yesterday made me realize I am closer to the breaking point than I maybe realized.
I did that thing I REALLY HATE, where I got emotional in front of someone when I would have preferred to keep the conversation less personal. More annoying, I felt the need to apologize even though she was the one who kept poking into my business.
Then I went home, where I went to bed at the first possible minute and slept the sleep of someone who prefers dreams to reality.
Other than the odd dream, I slept OK. I used to think I didn't sleep well when I was preoccupied with things. Now I think I sleep to avoid things I don't want to deal with. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of maintaining some sense of normalcy. Something that happened yesterday made me realize I am closer to the breaking point than I maybe realized.
I did that thing I REALLY HATE, where I got emotional in front of someone when I would have preferred to keep the conversation less personal. More annoying, I felt the need to apologize even though she was the one who kept poking into my business.
Then I went home, where I went to bed at the first possible minute and slept the sleep of someone who prefers dreams to reality.
December 4, 2010
Blank
Can't think of the word I want to describe this song. Sure I will eventually, as I just keep listening to it over and over again.
December 2, 2010
List of Random Stuff
Stuff that has made me moderately annoyed lately:
my new debit card
the price of gas
John E
that Ginger lady
how sometimes I automatically type in the password I had for like 7 years, before some crazy b*tch hijacked my Facebook account and made me have to change all of my settings and passwords
out of towners
the dog
static electricity
people who mistake FB for twitter and post every freakin' half-thought they have
and for some reason, this
Stuff that has made life moderately better lately:
Russell
ladybugs
lunch with L
good dreams
the cat
meeting with Bishop
thanks to the guv and the budget, I will be getting a cost of living adjustment after all (ignore the fact that it probably amounts to less than ten bucks a pay check)
friends who post interesting stuff so I don't have to go looking for it
my new debit card
the price of gas
John E
that Ginger lady
how sometimes I automatically type in the password I had for like 7 years, before some crazy b*tch hijacked my Facebook account and made me have to change all of my settings and passwords
out of towners
the dog
static electricity
people who mistake FB for twitter and post every freakin' half-thought they have
and for some reason, this
Stuff that has made life moderately better lately:
Russell
ladybugs
lunch with L
good dreams
the cat
meeting with Bishop
thanks to the guv and the budget, I will be getting a cost of living adjustment after all (ignore the fact that it probably amounts to less than ten bucks a pay check)
friends who post interesting stuff so I don't have to go looking for it
Damn
A dream about a community where the only men were the delivery drivers and the work crew, then this. Hmmm...
December 1, 2010
Fascination
Just a few things with which I have a strange fascination:
web sites/blogs that make fun of other people
KY warming gel
finding the perfect lip balm
yard gnomes, especially the travelocity dude
my feet
Ireland and all things Irish
Barack Obama
Brett Favre
finding the perfect gumbo recipe
the dollar store
web sites/blogs that make fun of other people
KY warming gel
finding the perfect lip balm
yard gnomes, especially the travelocity dude
my feet
Ireland and all things Irish
Barack Obama
Brett Favre
finding the perfect gumbo recipe
the dollar store
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