Was playing around on Facebook and got started reminiscing with a roommate from college. We started out talking about the holidays, but something she said made me think about how different the holidays were when we were in college. I commented that I sort of missed the days when Christmas meant almost a month with no work or school and everyone understood if your gifts came from a head shop. (The more I thought about it, I realized there are some similarities this year too, namely that I will be scraping together the cash for a road trip in a car I am not sure will make it and that I will be showing up with more dirty laundry than clean, but I didn't post that.)
Also recently connected with another friend from high school and through him found his brother and another guy I used to fool around with. Reminded me of the time we were at Kennedy's and they were trying to demonstrate wrestling moves. Phil and I were all tangled up and trying not to laugh when Aaron and Nathan's dad walked in. He just sort of looked at all of us and went to bed to pass out, then we all fell out laughing really hard. (Eric J was probably there too.)
Anyways, it was a good day on FB, which I forgot how much I used to like.
December 17, 2011
December 15, 2011
I Can't Stop
Anyone who knows me very well knows that the likelihood of me having a nervous breakdown is not inconceivable. Even if it wasn't already in my genetic makeup, life has given me some real crap to work with. Most of the time I hold the terror at bay by cracking jokes about my state of mental health and suppressing whatever it is that is bothering me. Then every once in a while I engineer a way to relieve some of the pressure, usually by picking a fight or drinking more than I should. Point is, I know that every once in awhile things are going to build up, I am going to have a fairly controlled mini-meltdown, and everything will be fine again for awhile.
When those "getting to know your friends" requests make the rounds, and the questions include "when is the last time you cried", I can usually say I don't remember. That's because I try really, really hard not to cry. I can usually manage to keep from crying, which is good. I have a much harder time stopping, which is not cool. The key here is that I maintain some feeling of being in control, which brings me to this week.
Tuesday, for no real reason, I could suddenly tell that I was about to lose it, so I skipped out of work. Then, before I even made it out of the parking lot and onto the street, I just busted out bawling. I mean like big, loud, snot-making bawling like a little kid. I sort of got it together after a few minutes, which helped, but the whole way home I had to keep trying not to cry. I was after all driving in rush hour and crazy fog.
I got home only to find out that I had a meeting. I made it through that OK, then went to have something to eat. Blame it on the coffee, but I slept terribly. At one point I was laying there debating if I should just get up, when I started crying again.
Wednesday was a very long day because I was exhausted and had to deal with whatever had brought this on. My boss wasn't at work, so I sent her an email. She wasn't there today either, although I got an email in return. She should be there tomorrow, when we are supposed to have an actual discussion.
There is obviously a lot I am not telling right now, but I should know more after tomorrow. On a better day, I might have a job I like again. In a better life, I wouldn't be stuck in a job and a life I hate because the alternative is unthinkable. At least for now I have stopped with the random crying.
When those "getting to know your friends" requests make the rounds, and the questions include "when is the last time you cried", I can usually say I don't remember. That's because I try really, really hard not to cry. I can usually manage to keep from crying, which is good. I have a much harder time stopping, which is not cool. The key here is that I maintain some feeling of being in control, which brings me to this week.
Tuesday, for no real reason, I could suddenly tell that I was about to lose it, so I skipped out of work. Then, before I even made it out of the parking lot and onto the street, I just busted out bawling. I mean like big, loud, snot-making bawling like a little kid. I sort of got it together after a few minutes, which helped, but the whole way home I had to keep trying not to cry. I was after all driving in rush hour and crazy fog.
I got home only to find out that I had a meeting. I made it through that OK, then went to have something to eat. Blame it on the coffee, but I slept terribly. At one point I was laying there debating if I should just get up, when I started crying again.
Wednesday was a very long day because I was exhausted and had to deal with whatever had brought this on. My boss wasn't at work, so I sent her an email. She wasn't there today either, although I got an email in return. She should be there tomorrow, when we are supposed to have an actual discussion.
There is obviously a lot I am not telling right now, but I should know more after tomorrow. On a better day, I might have a job I like again. In a better life, I wouldn't be stuck in a job and a life I hate because the alternative is unthinkable. At least for now I have stopped with the random crying.
December 13, 2011
Stuff
that is just plain pissing me off today:
people who are afraid to drive in traffic, and therefore only come to the city during the holidays
conspiracy theorists
people who think God gives a rats ass about football
my boss
people who are afraid to drive in traffic, and therefore only come to the city during the holidays
conspiracy theorists
people who think God gives a rats ass about football
my boss
December 1, 2011
Content Warning
Seriously, do not read this post if you are squeamish.
I may be taking off work for a funeral tomorrow. The husband of a friend of L's killed himself. At home. In front of her and two of her teenage sons. After he closed his three young daughters in their room.
L hasn't decided if he wants to go to the funeral or not. He is so furious and sick about the whole thing that he is afraid he won't be able to say anything helpful for Michelle. I feel for Michelle too, and for the boys, and I know this will be hard for them. Even though I do not consider her a friend exactly, I wish there was something I could do or say to make this time easier for her.
For some reason though, I hurt the most for three little girls I have never even met. When they came out of their room, hours later, they were taken to another house, where they have been all week. They'll return home when they're ready. There they will find everything like it was before, because the house has been cleaned by a professional crime scene clean up crew. Only their dad won't be there any more. And they can't go to their mom, because apparently she has mental problems. And Michelle is their best hope.
What can I say that would possibly make this better for anyone?
I may be taking off work for a funeral tomorrow. The husband of a friend of L's killed himself. At home. In front of her and two of her teenage sons. After he closed his three young daughters in their room.
L hasn't decided if he wants to go to the funeral or not. He is so furious and sick about the whole thing that he is afraid he won't be able to say anything helpful for Michelle. I feel for Michelle too, and for the boys, and I know this will be hard for them. Even though I do not consider her a friend exactly, I wish there was something I could do or say to make this time easier for her.
For some reason though, I hurt the most for three little girls I have never even met. When they came out of their room, hours later, they were taken to another house, where they have been all week. They'll return home when they're ready. There they will find everything like it was before, because the house has been cleaned by a professional crime scene clean up crew. Only their dad won't be there any more. And they can't go to their mom, because apparently she has mental problems. And Michelle is their best hope.
What can I say that would possibly make this better for anyone?
November 22, 2011
Random Update
Another dream remembered. Hmmm. In this one, someone I have known since I was a kid now lived in my aunt's house. She kept inviting the kids over to swim. When we got there, the house looked the same, but none of the little details were right. And there was nowhere to swim. Inside, I was the only person still in the dream, except I heard someone crying. The house looked nothing like my aunt's house, and I began to look around. I didn't really see anyone, except a shadow that reminded me of Poe. That's it. Again, nothing extraordinary about it except that it stuck with me. Not sure why I am suddenly having dreams again, especially since I am sleeping well otherwise.
Nothing else new or interesting to report, just getting ready for the holiday. We are leaving tomorrow afternoon to go to K's house. We'll come back Friday afternoon in time for the LSU-Razorback game. No big plans for the weekend except avoiding the Black Friday Lunacy and lots of football. It seems like it will be fairly tame, and then the prep for Christmas begins. Colorado, here we come :)
Nothing else new or interesting to report, just getting ready for the holiday. We are leaving tomorrow afternoon to go to K's house. We'll come back Friday afternoon in time for the LSU-Razorback game. No big plans for the weekend except avoiding the Black Friday Lunacy and lots of football. It seems like it will be fairly tame, and then the prep for Christmas begins. Colorado, here we come :)
November 21, 2011
Dreams - We've All Got 'Em
The old dreams were good dreams. They didn't work out, but I'm glad I had them.
I have a little scrap of paper that says this. I don't remember where it came from, but it sits in a small box of strange mementos and other odds and ends on my vanity table. It's kind of hokey, but I kept it because I am nothing if not a dreamer.
I wrote a while back that I hadn't been having any dreams. That's not true of course, because everybody dreams, even if they don't remember it afterwards. So not remembering my dreams hasn't been cause for concern. Then last night, I had a very vivid sequence of dreams. I am no dream analyst, but I can see that most of what I dreamed was just my brain sifting through the last couple of days. The most memorable bits and pieces were:
I was climbing a ladder that was leaning on a stage set of a three-story building (it stood alone on the side of the mountain, whatever that means). About the time I got to the top, I looked down the back side of the set through an opening at the top. I watched as the set buckled and I knew I was going to fall. I fell to the ground, but did not experience the sensation of falling that often wakes one from a dream. Instead, a group of people gathered, including my parents. My mom was determined to blame someone for the accident, and was trying to convince my dad to call on some people he knew who were not quite the mob, but were a bit shady in some way.
Then suddenly I was in a large lodge-style club. I have seen this in my dreams before. This time, I was tagging along after a friend, who was supposed to be organizing a concert. It was to feature Brad Paisley, who was going to debut his new song, Daytona 800 (seriously?). I tried to buy two old guys who looked a lot like the hecklers from The Muppets a beer, but the cocktail waitress was not very nice so I took my seat. I was in an area that seemed to have a lot of kids. One little kid was lost and crying. Instead of trying to help him, everyone was telling him to be quiet because the concert was going to start.
I don't remember what happened after that. I would like to think that I didn't ignore the little kid, but other than that is was an OK dream.
I am not sure why I suddenly had a dream to remember. Nothing really different happened yesterday, and life is basically the same. I am pretty sure the dream had no real significance, but it was cool to have it all the same.
I have a little scrap of paper that says this. I don't remember where it came from, but it sits in a small box of strange mementos and other odds and ends on my vanity table. It's kind of hokey, but I kept it because I am nothing if not a dreamer.
I wrote a while back that I hadn't been having any dreams. That's not true of course, because everybody dreams, even if they don't remember it afterwards. So not remembering my dreams hasn't been cause for concern. Then last night, I had a very vivid sequence of dreams. I am no dream analyst, but I can see that most of what I dreamed was just my brain sifting through the last couple of days. The most memorable bits and pieces were:
I was climbing a ladder that was leaning on a stage set of a three-story building (it stood alone on the side of the mountain, whatever that means). About the time I got to the top, I looked down the back side of the set through an opening at the top. I watched as the set buckled and I knew I was going to fall. I fell to the ground, but did not experience the sensation of falling that often wakes one from a dream. Instead, a group of people gathered, including my parents. My mom was determined to blame someone for the accident, and was trying to convince my dad to call on some people he knew who were not quite the mob, but were a bit shady in some way.
Then suddenly I was in a large lodge-style club. I have seen this in my dreams before. This time, I was tagging along after a friend, who was supposed to be organizing a concert. It was to feature Brad Paisley, who was going to debut his new song, Daytona 800 (seriously?). I tried to buy two old guys who looked a lot like the hecklers from The Muppets a beer, but the cocktail waitress was not very nice so I took my seat. I was in an area that seemed to have a lot of kids. One little kid was lost and crying. Instead of trying to help him, everyone was telling him to be quiet because the concert was going to start.
I don't remember what happened after that. I would like to think that I didn't ignore the little kid, but other than that is was an OK dream.
I am not sure why I suddenly had a dream to remember. Nothing really different happened yesterday, and life is basically the same. I am pretty sure the dream had no real significance, but it was cool to have it all the same.
November 20, 2011
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
The twins turned 5 today. Like most kids, they seem advanced in some ways, a bit behind in others, but mostly perfectly normal for their age. Like most parents I would like to believe that they are geniuses, although this will almost surely not turn out to be the case. Smart as they are though, they are just not ready to learn about or be exposed to certain things.
All of this to say that several times over the last few days they have expressed interest in the top drawer of the night stand, also referred to as the Fun Drawer. I realize that I must be careful not to call it that in front of them, as it will only pique their curiosity. Likewise, I can't freak out or give them reason to believe that there is anything noteworthy in there. Nor can I turn down the vigilance, only to be surprised by the introduction of the Pink Rabbit at an inopportune moment (said with a devilish grin).
I would freak out if B discovered it, but for different reasons. He has a pretty good grasp of the basics, like how babies are made, and I am pretty sure he and his dad have talked about masturbation. We have also had general conversations about porn, homosexuality, etc. I just don't think I am prepared to explain why his mom, who is married to his dad, has a drawer full of accessories, when sex is normal, natural, blah, blah, blah.
Because the fourth option, eliminating the Fun Drawer, is not an option. Discreet vigilance it is then, so that my precocious five-year olds are not "those" kids. You know, the ones you learned about sex from before you learned it from the people who were supposed to teach you about it :)
All of this to say that several times over the last few days they have expressed interest in the top drawer of the night stand, also referred to as the Fun Drawer. I realize that I must be careful not to call it that in front of them, as it will only pique their curiosity. Likewise, I can't freak out or give them reason to believe that there is anything noteworthy in there. Nor can I turn down the vigilance, only to be surprised by the introduction of the Pink Rabbit at an inopportune moment (said with a devilish grin).
I would freak out if B discovered it, but for different reasons. He has a pretty good grasp of the basics, like how babies are made, and I am pretty sure he and his dad have talked about masturbation. We have also had general conversations about porn, homosexuality, etc. I just don't think I am prepared to explain why his mom, who is married to his dad, has a drawer full of accessories, when sex is normal, natural, blah, blah, blah.
Because the fourth option, eliminating the Fun Drawer, is not an option. Discreet vigilance it is then, so that my precocious five-year olds are not "those" kids. You know, the ones you learned about sex from before you learned it from the people who were supposed to teach you about it :)
November 15, 2011
Trifecta!
I know, I swore I wasn't going to write about Him anymore, but I have to because I think I have finally conquered the trifecta! No, I didn't win big at the track, but I did, to quote dictionary.com, accomplish something involving three successful outcomes.
For way too long, I moped around about a guy I used to know, for reasons I can't (OK, don't want to) explain. What I do know is that certain events or conditions triggered thoughts of him that usually led to extra whining and bad judgement on my part.
But the other night, when the kids kept repeatedly choosing that song while playing Dance Dance Revolution, I realized that while I was annoyed by the repetition, the actual song didn't make me feel so pitiful. Then Friday, when I was feeling sorry for myself, the person I thought to call first was not him. After a little more thought, I realized that I had also avoided the third trigger, which involves alcohol.
Yeah, I know, managing not to text a certain someone or go into a funk every time I am feeling hormonal, or buzzed, or just extra wussy isn't exactly a "success", but it does mean now I can seriously get my groove on the next time I play DDR. Now if it only included the stripper song!
For way too long, I moped around about a guy I used to know, for reasons I can't (OK, don't want to) explain. What I do know is that certain events or conditions triggered thoughts of him that usually led to extra whining and bad judgement on my part.
But the other night, when the kids kept repeatedly choosing that song while playing Dance Dance Revolution, I realized that while I was annoyed by the repetition, the actual song didn't make me feel so pitiful. Then Friday, when I was feeling sorry for myself, the person I thought to call first was not him. After a little more thought, I realized that I had also avoided the third trigger, which involves alcohol.
Yeah, I know, managing not to text a certain someone or go into a funk every time I am feeling hormonal, or buzzed, or just extra wussy isn't exactly a "success", but it does mean now I can seriously get my groove on the next time I play DDR. Now if it only included the stripper song!
November 11, 2011
Hiding on the Web
I maintain three websites, two blogs and a Facebook presence for work. I am a contributor/admin on two group blogs. I am also supposed to be working on an electronic newsletter for work and a web site for my husband. All that in addition to my personal email and Facebook accounts and a dummy site that I practice web site on. So why am I here of all places?
I am not really here to write. I tried, but the best I could come up with was typing the word F***. Couldn't quite get the feeling across no matter how big I made the font.
I guess I am here because of all the "places" I can be while sitting at my desk, this is the most private. Here I can sit and stare at a screen and type a few words and try to get my act together so I can go out and spend the rest of the day being "social".
I am not really here to write. I tried, but the best I could come up with was typing the word F***. Couldn't quite get the feeling across no matter how big I made the font.
I guess I am here because of all the "places" I can be while sitting at my desk, this is the most private. Here I can sit and stare at a screen and type a few words and try to get my act together so I can go out and spend the rest of the day being "social".
October 28, 2011
Taking a Break
Weird - After an incredibly busy month, life is settling back down to merely hectic. I still have a lot going on, and no real break for awhile (I was hoping for a personal weekend, which is not looking likely for another month), but it is mostly family stuff or something I brought on myself. The weird part is that now that I have a little time, I am at a loss. I had time to watch TV last night and I watched baseball of all things. True, it was a good game, but not something I would normally watch. I have time to blog, and nothing to blog about except my crazy schedule.
I have been blogging pretty regularly for awhile, but now I am thinking that maybe I need to take a break from it. Looking back over it, it hasn't amounted to much anyway. If I want to write seriously, then I should be doing more of that. If I want to keep a journal about personal stuff, I can do that. But this thing I have been doing is not working. What was meant to be an authentic attempt at observation and reflection has turned into a lot of pathetic navel-gazing and false angst. Plus the whole idea of laying my personal thoughts, as unoriginal as they are, out there for review is a little creepy for a blog that is in that state between public and completely private.
I may change my mind. The next time I have a wild dream, the next time I have a random thought I can't shake, the next time I have a pithy comment, I may write. Then again, none of those things has happened in a while, so maybe I won't.
And one last phrase of the day that wouldn't fit in the list:
Fuck you and the mid-size sedan you drove in on.
I have been blogging pretty regularly for awhile, but now I am thinking that maybe I need to take a break from it. Looking back over it, it hasn't amounted to much anyway. If I want to write seriously, then I should be doing more of that. If I want to keep a journal about personal stuff, I can do that. But this thing I have been doing is not working. What was meant to be an authentic attempt at observation and reflection has turned into a lot of pathetic navel-gazing and false angst. Plus the whole idea of laying my personal thoughts, as unoriginal as they are, out there for review is a little creepy for a blog that is in that state between public and completely private.
I may change my mind. The next time I have a wild dream, the next time I have a random thought I can't shake, the next time I have a pithy comment, I may write. Then again, none of those things has happened in a while, so maybe I won't.
And one last phrase of the day that wouldn't fit in the list:
Fuck you and the mid-size sedan you drove in on.
October 25, 2011
October 21, 2011
Done and Doner
Conference - done. Went down Tuesday to set up. Went out with Marti and Carolene. Wednesday was Day One. It went pretty well, just very busy. Wednesday night, I was exhausted and had no obligations, so I went to my room to chill out. When I felt a bit better, I went downstairs for a drink. One drink later I was in a conversation with some nice people and watching baseball, so I had another drink. Then some more people came and we were talking about politics, so I ordered another drink. Then some state legislators came in and we were gossiping about other state legislators. Fortunately neither was my representative or on the committee that has oversight for my agency, because by this time I realized I should have quit at two drinks. Got back to my room and did something that still makes no sense and texted Him. Correction, I think the text itself made sense, at least to me at the time, but not why I felt the need to text Him. I think I was finished drinking, but still interested in making a "connection" with someone. I must of been more gone than I realized, because sober I would have known there was no connection to be made there.
Speaking of sober, I woke up feeling terrible on Thursday. One of the first things I did, after I realized that this day was going to S-U-C-K suck, was delete his number from my phone. Not sure why I hadn't done it sooner, but it's done now. As I suspected, Thursday was the worst. I was so tired I couldn't stop moving because I wasn't sure I could get going again. At the end of it all, a group of us went out to dinner. We ended up staying longer than we had planned, because in our absence the hotel had to be evacuated. The policeman said it was a gas leak, but the otherwise normal-looking women at the next table swore a "gas bomb" had been set off at the Tea Party banquet on the second floor. I am personally inclined to believe the nice policeman, but I plan to investigate the rumor. Glad we were out for the evacuation, because at that point I am not sure I would have been able to walk down 14 flights of stairs. Even better, I now know how to clear out a Tea Party event :)
So today was good, and now I am done for the week. My car is unloaded to make room for football and soccer equipment and the weekend looks fantastic weather- and plans-wise. Headed home to enjoy my family before I have to return to the office and start sorting it all back out. And that's my preliminary report for the week: Hot Springs - great, drunk texting bad. I...am...done
Speaking of sober, I woke up feeling terrible on Thursday. One of the first things I did, after I realized that this day was going to S-U-C-K suck, was delete his number from my phone. Not sure why I hadn't done it sooner, but it's done now. As I suspected, Thursday was the worst. I was so tired I couldn't stop moving because I wasn't sure I could get going again. At the end of it all, a group of us went out to dinner. We ended up staying longer than we had planned, because in our absence the hotel had to be evacuated. The policeman said it was a gas leak, but the otherwise normal-looking women at the next table swore a "gas bomb" had been set off at the Tea Party banquet on the second floor. I am personally inclined to believe the nice policeman, but I plan to investigate the rumor. Glad we were out for the evacuation, because at that point I am not sure I would have been able to walk down 14 flights of stairs. Even better, I now know how to clear out a Tea Party event :)
So today was good, and now I am done for the week. My car is unloaded to make room for football and soccer equipment and the weekend looks fantastic weather- and plans-wise. Headed home to enjoy my family before I have to return to the office and start sorting it all back out. And that's my preliminary report for the week: Hot Springs - great, drunk texting bad. I...am...done
October 16, 2011
So...Tired
I am so tired it is ridiculous, but I have one more week to go before I get a bit of a break.
Every year, I coordinate a conference for about 650 people. My colleague and I do everything, literally everything, between us with the exception a few small tasks. So anyway, her organization lost their funding and she found another job, which is fortunate for her. It sucks for me though, because even though my organization received two new grants, we didn't hire anyone new.
That means that since July, I have been single-handedly responsible for everything to do with the conference. Sure, Pam helped as much as she could on the tasks she always did. And I did as much as possible in advance and have arranged volunteers for as many tasks as possible. But the last two weeks before the event, and the event itself, are always busy and stressful anyway. This year is worse.
I asked my husband if I seemed more stressed than in previous years, and he said most definitely.The way he said it was almost like he was relieved that I had acknowledged it first, as if he was afraid to mention it. He was so sweet, and said I can tell you are stressed, and I hate that I can't do anything to help. He's right, because unfortunately, my in-laws schedule is such that they are not going to be available to help with the kids, which means he is not going to get to come to HS for the extra day on the weekend.
I had hoped to stay an extra day after the conference, because HS this time of year is fantastic. Plus, we could really use a break. The last year and a half of been terrible for us, but that's another topic. Things are looking some better now, and a break from everyday life will be welcome, even if it is just me.
So, headed to bed now, in spite of the work I didn't finish, and headed to HS on Tuesday morning. I plan to enjoy it the best that I can, if it doesn't kill me first.
Every year, I coordinate a conference for about 650 people. My colleague and I do everything, literally everything, between us with the exception a few small tasks. So anyway, her organization lost their funding and she found another job, which is fortunate for her. It sucks for me though, because even though my organization received two new grants, we didn't hire anyone new.
That means that since July, I have been single-handedly responsible for everything to do with the conference. Sure, Pam helped as much as she could on the tasks she always did. And I did as much as possible in advance and have arranged volunteers for as many tasks as possible. But the last two weeks before the event, and the event itself, are always busy and stressful anyway. This year is worse.
I asked my husband if I seemed more stressed than in previous years, and he said most definitely.The way he said it was almost like he was relieved that I had acknowledged it first, as if he was afraid to mention it. He was so sweet, and said I can tell you are stressed, and I hate that I can't do anything to help. He's right, because unfortunately, my in-laws schedule is such that they are not going to be available to help with the kids, which means he is not going to get to come to HS for the extra day on the weekend.
I had hoped to stay an extra day after the conference, because HS this time of year is fantastic. Plus, we could really use a break. The last year and a half of been terrible for us, but that's another topic. Things are looking some better now, and a break from everyday life will be welcome, even if it is just me.
So, headed to bed now, in spite of the work I didn't finish, and headed to HS on Tuesday morning. I plan to enjoy it the best that I can, if it doesn't kill me first.
October 13, 2011
Well Said
I don't know if I'll make it
Watch how good I fake it
~ Lyric from Party on the Rooftop, but it fits.
My other favorite phrases of the day:
It raises suspicions among the already suspicious.
If anyone is really serious about wanting every conception to result in a healthy baby then make that choice possible.
Watch how good I fake it
~ Lyric from Party on the Rooftop, but it fits.
My other favorite phrases of the day:
It raises suspicions among the already suspicious.
If anyone is really serious about wanting every conception to result in a healthy baby then make that choice possible.
October 11, 2011
Focus
No random thoughts lately because they are all focused on just a few things. In a nutshell:
Officially sold the apartments. No more Slumlord Chronicles. Bad in terms of blog fodder, but good in most ways that matter.
B is rockin' it at football. Headed out for a game in a few minutes, thanks to cancellation of another meeting.
Twins are busy with soccer. They seem to be having fun and doing pretty well.
Work is kicking my ass. I am not going to give the run down here because I already have more to-do lists going than I can keep track of. If I don't feel the love after next week, I am definitely going to work on parlaying my awesome skills into a better job.
Not writing at all lately, not even the blog. I do have a presentation tomorrow, as well as two other big events I am working on. Glad tonight was rescheduled, I needed a break. I sort of lost track of which day it was at some point today but better now.
Back to the grind for now, then back to "normal" soon.
Officially sold the apartments. No more Slumlord Chronicles. Bad in terms of blog fodder, but good in most ways that matter.
B is rockin' it at football. Headed out for a game in a few minutes, thanks to cancellation of another meeting.
Twins are busy with soccer. They seem to be having fun and doing pretty well.
Work is kicking my ass. I am not going to give the run down here because I already have more to-do lists going than I can keep track of. If I don't feel the love after next week, I am definitely going to work on parlaying my awesome skills into a better job.
Not writing at all lately, not even the blog. I do have a presentation tomorrow, as well as two other big events I am working on. Glad tonight was rescheduled, I needed a break. I sort of lost track of which day it was at some point today but better now.
Back to the grind for now, then back to "normal" soon.
September 29, 2011
Action Words
We ARE CLOSING on the apartments tomorrow.
Dennis IS in jail and will likely GO TO PRISON.
I AM NOT GOING to Chicago next week.
My head still HURTS, but...
I AM EXCITED about this weekend.
Dennis IS in jail and will likely GO TO PRISON.
I AM NOT GOING to Chicago next week.
My head still HURTS, but...
I AM EXCITED about this weekend.
September 22, 2011
The Secrets That I Keep
My niece had an abortion when she was 16. I don't know who else she has told, but I have never told anyone.
I am 95% sure my boss was sexually molested when she was around 13 or 14 but I don't want to ask her directly.
I have an acquaintance whose husband has a sexual relationship with his stepdaughter from a previous marriage. M would like to report him, but she is currently trying to adopt his three younger kids and doesn't want to jeopardize that. If she waits to report him, she has to hope it doesn't come out in a divorce that she knew something and didn't report it. I am not supposed to know about it at all.
I have another acquaintance that has cancer. When his name comes up in a meeting, I don't say that I know why he has been out of the loop so much lately.
I met with a student for an independent study project. After about two hours of talking with her about her proposed project, I have reason to be concerned for her, but after the first interview, she stopped contacting me. I can't contact her because of school security.
My mom tried to commit suicide once.
I got a DUI once. It's not a secret, although I don't think my family knows about it. What is a secret is how badly I really crave a drink most days. The bigger secret is how I manage to sneak one in once in awhile.
I am 95% sure my boss was sexually molested when she was around 13 or 14 but I don't want to ask her directly.
I have an acquaintance whose husband has a sexual relationship with his stepdaughter from a previous marriage. M would like to report him, but she is currently trying to adopt his three younger kids and doesn't want to jeopardize that. If she waits to report him, she has to hope it doesn't come out in a divorce that she knew something and didn't report it. I am not supposed to know about it at all.
I have another acquaintance that has cancer. When his name comes up in a meeting, I don't say that I know why he has been out of the loop so much lately.
I met with a student for an independent study project. After about two hours of talking with her about her proposed project, I have reason to be concerned for her, but after the first interview, she stopped contacting me. I can't contact her because of school security.
My mom tried to commit suicide once.
I got a DUI once. It's not a secret, although I don't think my family knows about it. What is a secret is how badly I really crave a drink most days. The bigger secret is how I manage to sneak one in once in awhile.
Oh Come On
I do my fair share of whining and self-pitying, but I also recognize that in the grand scheme of things I don't have it so bad. I have enough of what I need, most of the time, with few exceptions. But every once in a while it would be nice to have something I just want, just because. I don't feel any sense of entitlement other than to have a fair chance. I am basically pragmatic, and try to stop short of being downright cynical. I know I probably won't win the lottery, but could I please just catch a break once in a while? Could something not get lost or broken until I was ready to replace it? Could I get a GOOD surprise once in awhile? Could I have something, anything, turn out the way I expected? For example, I don't expect the a-hole who took my new bicycle to return it, but could I least have a dog that would actually keep someone besides the pizza guy out of my yard?
September 20, 2011
Blood
My brother and I were sitting in the front seat of the truck, waiting for my mom so we could go home. "Whatcha doing?" I asked him, even though I could see he was working on some kind of a puzzle book. He didn't answer, so I started nudging him with my elbow and saying "Huh?, huh?" over and over. Without warning, he hauled off and punched me in my nose, which immediately started gushing blood.
Let me explain here that I have a serious problem with nosebleeds. I have an enlarged vein right under the skin. Of course when I was a kid I picked at it all the time. But even a bump in the right place can make it bleed, and once it starts it takes forever to stop. My parents tried all sorts of home remedies for stopping it when I was younger. Nothing ever worked, so instead I had to take preventive steps, like medicine and stuff to thicken my blood. At the time of this incident, we were living in Leadville, which is known as the highest city in the continental US (They are referring to elevation. Aspen wins the other title). Besides being at a very high altitude, Leadville also has a very dry climate. Both of these exacerbate the nosebleed situation.
So back to the story. I must have screamed or something, because my mom came running over. My brother and I were both trying to tell her what happened - him, that I was pestering him, me the obvious - that he hit me hard enough to make my nose bleed.
Let me explain here that my mom has always treated my brother and I differently. My dad says she babies him, I used to just think she liked him better.So think what you will when I tell you that my mother made me get out of the truck and walk home.
It was about two miles from the stables to the house. I had to walk through two pastures, but in an indirect path because parts of them were under about four inches of water where they had been flood-irrigated. I pinched my nose and started walking. I made it through the first pasture before I got dizzy and had to sit down. The best way to stop a nosebleed is to tilt your head back and just pinch your nose until it clots. I couldn't lay down, but I sat there for quite awhile, until I began to get hungry. I didn't want to be hiking cross-country in the dark, and I was already covered in blood, so I decided to just get it over with. I lifted my shirt up to use as a cloth, and started walking again.
Once I got to the highway, I had another 50 yards or so to our road. Several times cars started to slow down, as if to offer me a ride, then sped up again after getting a good look. By this time, the top half of my shirt was soaked in blood, as were my hands, arms and nose. My nose and eyes were swollen and red. It was dark when I walked in to find my mom and my brother eating dinner.
I have no idea what my mom said to my brother. What she said to me was "Are you hungry?" There were no questions about how I was feeling, if it hurt, was I OK. No apology of any kind from anyone. My dad thought to ask why I hadn't punched him back, but otherwise the incident was never spoken of again.
Did I pester my brother again? Of course, he's my brother. Did I have more nosebleeds? Always, but never again because I got punched. Do I still believe my mom liked my brother best? Doesn't matter - on that day she didn't like me enough that I had to walk two miles in the semi-dark, across a swamp, losing enough blood to make me light-headed. Call it what you like, but I am not making this crap up.
Let me explain here that I have a serious problem with nosebleeds. I have an enlarged vein right under the skin. Of course when I was a kid I picked at it all the time. But even a bump in the right place can make it bleed, and once it starts it takes forever to stop. My parents tried all sorts of home remedies for stopping it when I was younger. Nothing ever worked, so instead I had to take preventive steps, like medicine and stuff to thicken my blood. At the time of this incident, we were living in Leadville, which is known as the highest city in the continental US (They are referring to elevation. Aspen wins the other title). Besides being at a very high altitude, Leadville also has a very dry climate. Both of these exacerbate the nosebleed situation.
So back to the story. I must have screamed or something, because my mom came running over. My brother and I were both trying to tell her what happened - him, that I was pestering him, me the obvious - that he hit me hard enough to make my nose bleed.
Let me explain here that my mom has always treated my brother and I differently. My dad says she babies him, I used to just think she liked him better.So think what you will when I tell you that my mother made me get out of the truck and walk home.
It was about two miles from the stables to the house. I had to walk through two pastures, but in an indirect path because parts of them were under about four inches of water where they had been flood-irrigated. I pinched my nose and started walking. I made it through the first pasture before I got dizzy and had to sit down. The best way to stop a nosebleed is to tilt your head back and just pinch your nose until it clots. I couldn't lay down, but I sat there for quite awhile, until I began to get hungry. I didn't want to be hiking cross-country in the dark, and I was already covered in blood, so I decided to just get it over with. I lifted my shirt up to use as a cloth, and started walking again.
Once I got to the highway, I had another 50 yards or so to our road. Several times cars started to slow down, as if to offer me a ride, then sped up again after getting a good look. By this time, the top half of my shirt was soaked in blood, as were my hands, arms and nose. My nose and eyes were swollen and red. It was dark when I walked in to find my mom and my brother eating dinner.
I have no idea what my mom said to my brother. What she said to me was "Are you hungry?" There were no questions about how I was feeling, if it hurt, was I OK. No apology of any kind from anyone. My dad thought to ask why I hadn't punched him back, but otherwise the incident was never spoken of again.
Did I pester my brother again? Of course, he's my brother. Did I have more nosebleeds? Always, but never again because I got punched. Do I still believe my mom liked my brother best? Doesn't matter - on that day she didn't like me enough that I had to walk two miles in the semi-dark, across a swamp, losing enough blood to make me light-headed. Call it what you like, but I am not making this crap up.
Curls
So I finally put up a profile pic after all of this time. I didn't put it up because I care if anyone knows what I look like. I put it up because I haven't had hair this long since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I have since gotten it trimmed, so I have more curls than frizz. I never had curls when I was a kid either. In fact, I look like a boy in most of my school pictures until junior high. Always have the dimples though :)
September 19, 2011
Crazy Dreams
My permanent headache has returned, along with not being able to sleep. I have also been having more funky dreams. They are pretty vivid when I first wake up, but I forget them if I don't write them down. Will try to start doing that, to see if there is a theme of any kind.
Also planning to write about the time my brother broke my nose, plus maybe about some of the random crap going on in general, just as a way to get a handle on it/how I feel about it/blah blah blah.
Also planning to write about the time my brother broke my nose, plus maybe about some of the random crap going on in general, just as a way to get a handle on it/how I feel about it/blah blah blah.
September 16, 2011
Hate
The girl tucked her coat around her arms and pressed herself into the corner. Neva sat to her left, and Kirsten sat on the outside. She leaned her head against the cold glass of the window. Crap it was cold, but it was still the best seat for the trip. She settled in for the ride home.
The bus was groaning down the first winding hill out of Kellyville. She wasn’t sleeping, or even daydreaming, but was in sort of a lull when she sensed and then felt movement. She felt something touch her right side and reached down to push it away. At the same time, a voice next to her ear whispered “Don’t”. She tried again to push the hand away, but he was insistent. She pulled her coat tight with her left hand and tried with the other to deter the hand that kept grasping at her. It was surprisingly hard to move his arm from where he had it wedged between the seat and the wall, especially if she didn’t want to attract attention to herself. She could hear him murmuring something, whether to her or to his seatmate she couldn’t tell. She couldn’t turn her head to reply to him, but she knew who was behind her.
She made herself as still and unresponsive as possible and tried to pretend this was not happening. She was sure this would somehow be seen as her fault if anyone found out. At the very least she would be referred to by the tacky nicknames used for girls who let themselves get felt up on a bus full of people. For all she knew, everyone in the seat behind her was already getting a play by play about how he had managed to undo her pants and work his hand inside. God, she hated him. She tried not to cry when she realized her body was betraying her, growing damp in response to the persistent fumbling of a boy she had literally hated since kindergarten. She bit her lip and vowed that she would never stop hating him.
Years later she would remember the scene and imagine herself standing up and punching him in the face and threatening to break his arm if he ever touched her again. Instead, she fastened he pants as discreetly as possible. She nudged Neva with her elbow and said “Hey, it’s really cold. Will you trade me places for awhile?” She hated him for a long time after that, until one day she grew up and didn't feel anything at all.
September 12, 2011
Monday Thoughts
Last week - SUCKED
Saturday - looked better after one football game, one soccer game, one 125-mile trip made in less than three hours. Looked less good after I shared a fold-out bed with a squirmy four year old, had a very vivid dream about Him, and woke up with my back killing me.
Sunday - took awhile to straighten out, but turned out to be a nice day. We floated the Buffalo River, which was only a little bit low and slow. The weather was great and I think the kids enjoyed it. All three slept most of the way home, which meant I had a pretty pleasant drive alone with the radio and my random thoughts. Of course by the time I got home, I had managed to recreate that ball of stress between my shoulder blades.
Monday - too soon to tell - will probably be stressful in the ways that I am used too, like too much to do without help, but so far nothing I haven't seen coming. I will deal with it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
I need a new distraction - the weekend wasn't long enough.
Saturday - looked better after one football game, one soccer game, one 125-mile trip made in less than three hours. Looked less good after I shared a fold-out bed with a squirmy four year old, had a very vivid dream about Him, and woke up with my back killing me.
Sunday - took awhile to straighten out, but turned out to be a nice day. We floated the Buffalo River, which was only a little bit low and slow. The weather was great and I think the kids enjoyed it. All three slept most of the way home, which meant I had a pretty pleasant drive alone with the radio and my random thoughts. Of course by the time I got home, I had managed to recreate that ball of stress between my shoulder blades.
Monday - too soon to tell - will probably be stressful in the ways that I am used too, like too much to do without help, but so far nothing I haven't seen coming. I will deal with it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
I need a new distraction - the weekend wasn't long enough.
September 2, 2011
WTF
Spent last night and so far today trying to sort out weekend plans. In the middle of it all, another random text that has me out of sorts. Topped off by a mutiny in the making. Oh yeah, the next two days are gonna suck too.
But this is funny, in a sad and ironic kind of way.
August 30, 2011
The Debut
Finally, B's movie debut has been posted. His group wrote, storyboarded, filmed and edited this in just 3 and a half days. Awesome job!
August 23, 2011
Letter to Him
What I would say, if communication between us extended beyond the unexpected birthday text.
August 21, 2011
Is it any wonder church makes my head hurt?
It's my month to teach Sharing Time. The theme is My Body is a Temple. Yep, me, the formerly pierced, presently unrepentant caffeine drinker, has been teaching the lessons on how we treat our bodies. The lesson on dressing modestly and not having tattoos or piercings went OK, because I showed the kids all of the places I had let piercings close over because I decided they weren't that cool after all. For today's lesson on the Word of Wisdom, I cleverly diverted their attention to the scripture that mentions health in the navel by cracking jokes about God wanting us to have a healthy belly button and not giving B time to point out that I drink coffee.Next week's lesson is on listening to good music and reading good books. The most stressful thing about that will be that we will have visitors there to observe and report.
Also got new visiting teaching assignments today. I only have four people on my list. One of them is the very same person who recently unfriended me on Facebook. I will have to explain to my partner at some point why I found this sort of amusing.
I do have a bit of a headache though. I think it's partly because I have a sinus thing going on, and partly because I really don't drink as much caffeine on Sundays. Yeah, I know, add this to the list of things that I am a total hypocrite about.
Also got new visiting teaching assignments today. I only have four people on my list. One of them is the very same person who recently unfriended me on Facebook. I will have to explain to my partner at some point why I found this sort of amusing.
I do have a bit of a headache though. I think it's partly because I have a sinus thing going on, and partly because I really don't drink as much caffeine on Sundays. Yeah, I know, add this to the list of things that I am a total hypocrite about.
August 19, 2011
WHEW!
Just spent the entire morning watching the coverage of the release of the West Memphis 3 (http://wm3.org/). Now everything feels kind of anticlimactic. Going to lunch, then maybe come back and try to get some work done before heading home for a busy weekend.
August 18, 2011
Is it any wonder I can't concentrate?
What we thought was a wasp sting ended up looking more like a spider bite, so L took B to the doctor. She thinks its staph infection. Since I wasn't there, I don't know what all she said, and I am anxious to look into it a little further because I am not convinced. Either way, antibiotics were prescribed and should hopefully take care of it.
On a different note, we busted him looking up questionable content on youtube. L just said their chat went OK, but he didn't elaborate. Pretty sure this is only the beginning!
Troy-I didn't explain, but he tried to commit suicide. Don't really know what to say about this, or who I would talk to about it, but has been definitely been on my mind.
Since the birthday message from Him, I have been thinking about him often again. Not a bad thing, but also not terribly productive or helpful. More pleasant to think about than crazy and contagious and being the parent of an almost adolescent, I guess.
On a different note, we busted him looking up questionable content on youtube. L just said their chat went OK, but he didn't elaborate. Pretty sure this is only the beginning!
Troy-I didn't explain, but he tried to commit suicide. Don't really know what to say about this, or who I would talk to about it, but has been definitely been on my mind.
Since the birthday message from Him, I have been thinking about him often again. Not a bad thing, but also not terribly productive or helpful. More pleasant to think about than crazy and contagious and being the parent of an almost adolescent, I guess.
August 16, 2011
Dining Room/Office, Phase One
New windows and laminate floors, then...
I didn't get a good shot of the ceiling, which is done with bead board, or the headers over the doors, which are more architectural.
Phase Two - touch up the trim, paint the shelf, and add the curtains, which will be done by this weekend.
Next steps - paint the extra chairs and refinish the desk and cabinet for the office part of the room when the weather cools off.
Big step - get help moving the china cabinet onto the long wall (it took four high school football players the last time we moved it!)
 |
| Inner walls white, outer walls blue |
 |
| Crown molding, baseboards and trim |
 |
| Tanya taking a break |
 |
| South end of room |
 |
| With shelf added |
I didn't get a good shot of the ceiling, which is done with bead board, or the headers over the doors, which are more architectural.
Phase Two - touch up the trim, paint the shelf, and add the curtains, which will be done by this weekend.
Next steps - paint the extra chairs and refinish the desk and cabinet for the office part of the room when the weather cools off.
Big step - get help moving the china cabinet onto the long wall (it took four high school football players the last time we moved it!)
Best of Costner
1: Am I special? 2: Well, if you can remove the sexual overtones and add a golf theme, then Romeo, I am your Juliet.
You tell me which are my better moments and I will try to duplicate them.
I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curveball, high-fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Good night.
You tell me which are my better moments and I will try to duplicate them.
I believe in the soul. The cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curveball, high-fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Good night.
August 15, 2011
On My Nerves
Michelle Bachman - needs to shut her pie hole
Laurie B - needs to understand the difference between incompetence and a death in the family
The parents who got a Sherlock Holmes book banned because it portrayed Mormons negatively - really?
The neighbor kid, as usual
And the person who has caused me to have Willie Nelson playing in my head all day!
Laurie B - needs to understand the difference between incompetence and a death in the family
The parents who got a Sherlock Holmes book banned because it portrayed Mormons negatively - really?
The neighbor kid, as usual
And the person who has caused me to have Willie Nelson playing in my head all day!
Football Season is Here!
B is at football again. What a paradox that he is so strong and such a wuss at the same time. How do I know this? One of his knees is cut open from wrestling/football/bike wreck. I was bandaging it so his football pants wouldn't bust it open again. On the back of the same knee, he also got stung by a wasp. The stinger is still in it, and starting to become infected. I was going to treat it and see if I could get the stinger out. He started screaming bloody murder and having a fit. Part of me was trying not to laugh at him for crying about a wasp sting. (In his defense, it is in a sensitive spot and is seriously infected). The other part of me, the part that was leaning over him while he was flopping around, was thinking "my God, this kid is a moose". Other than a developing gut, the kid is all muscle, and he moves fast. I hope this is the side of him that showed up at practice, because he has been trying out at halfback and strong safety. Last year he played offensive and defensive line. This year the coach has decided he is quick enough to play in the backfield. I think this will be a good move - last year his specialty was causing fumbles. I bet he'll be even better when he's not coming off the line to do it.
August 12, 2011
Thoughts Before Sleeping
OK, that last post was way too lame. If I am going to go to the trouble of blogging, then I should be original in what I write. If I can't be original, I should at least be honest, so instead of deleting that last bit of nonsense, I will replace it with a couple of things that are on my mind.
Saw Troy today. I was surprised when he showed up, but he looked great. I didn't have a chance to talk to him, but I am really hoping everything is OK. I invited him to come by anytime, and I hope he takes me up on it.
B had football practice tonight, even though it was still raining. I really like his coach and he does too. I hope he has a great year again because I think he could be a pretty good player and I want him to enjoy it.
My mom and aunt are leaving tomorrow (today). The room is not finished, but it looks much better, and most of what is left I can do without help. Will try to at least download pics soon.
Brochures for work did not arrive yet, so I am taking tomorrow off too. Will work on house some, but may also take some time just to do "me" stuff. You know, since I had a birthday and a vacation and all!
Totally forgot the Broncos played tonight. I will have to avoid Facebook (not a problem) and Yahoo headlines (harder to do) until I get to watch the replay.
And note to self: do NOT drink coffee at night any more. I know I am tired, but will have a hard time falling asleep. I am a bit wired (if you couldn't tell), plus my legs hurt from working on a ladder all day, and I got an unexpected birthday wish I have been thinking over.
That's it. I know I had more when I started, but I can't think of it. Must mean I am winding down, which is a good thing. And my hair hurts. I need sleep.
Saw Troy today. I was surprised when he showed up, but he looked great. I didn't have a chance to talk to him, but I am really hoping everything is OK. I invited him to come by anytime, and I hope he takes me up on it.
B had football practice tonight, even though it was still raining. I really like his coach and he does too. I hope he has a great year again because I think he could be a pretty good player and I want him to enjoy it.
My mom and aunt are leaving tomorrow (today). The room is not finished, but it looks much better, and most of what is left I can do without help. Will try to at least download pics soon.
Brochures for work did not arrive yet, so I am taking tomorrow off too. Will work on house some, but may also take some time just to do "me" stuff. You know, since I had a birthday and a vacation and all!
Totally forgot the Broncos played tonight. I will have to avoid Facebook (not a problem) and Yahoo headlines (harder to do) until I get to watch the replay.
And note to self: do NOT drink coffee at night any more. I know I am tired, but will have a hard time falling asleep. I am a bit wired (if you couldn't tell), plus my legs hurt from working on a ladder all day, and I got an unexpected birthday wish I have been thinking over.
That's it. I know I had more when I started, but I can't think of it. Must mean I am winding down, which is a good thing. And my hair hurts. I need sleep.
August 10, 2011
Vacation Notes
I haven't killed my mom yet. Truthfully, she has not irritated me like she usually does. Maybe I am just appreciative of her help on my room project. I was going to post pics of our progress so far, but I am too tired and lazy at this point. I really just meant to check work email, then glanced at Facebook. I can honestly say that I have not missed the internet this week. Or TV. Or work. Just miss having a bit of alone time before midnight, but I can live with it, cause the room is gonna look great. Should get some sleep though. Another busy day tomorrow, and I don't wanna be cranky with my mom when she is working on the import stuff!
August 5, 2011
Vacation!
Happy vacation to me.
Happy vacation to me.
Please let me not kill my mother.
Happy vacation to me.
Pictures to follow.
Happy vacation to me.
Please let me not kill my mother.
Happy vacation to me.
Pictures to follow.
August 4, 2011
Stating the Obvious
1. If you are headed west, and you exit onto a 360 degree loop, you will still be headed west. I am guessing that the little sign that reads "WEST" with an arrow is for out-of-towners and the directionally-challenged. Funny that yesterday was the first time I noticed it though. Probably because when I take that exit, I am turning left (east) while hoping that oncoming traffic observes its own sign to stop.
2. If you make a movie entitled "Pirates!", and it features a couple of shirtless guys and blonde women with big breasts sailing around alternately having sex with each other and sword fights with other pirates, the disclaimer at the end reminding people that this is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to real people or places is incidental, IS NOT NECESSARY!
3. It's my birthday today. We usually go all out for it - our first house purchase closed the week of my birthday, as have two new car purchases. Last year, I got a Sage Oil Vac. This year I am getting a room that has been unfinished since the twins were born, finished. Or at least closer than it is now. L is picking up first round of supplies today!
2. If you make a movie entitled "Pirates!", and it features a couple of shirtless guys and blonde women with big breasts sailing around alternately having sex with each other and sword fights with other pirates, the disclaimer at the end reminding people that this is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to real people or places is incidental, IS NOT NECESSARY!
3. It's my birthday today. We usually go all out for it - our first house purchase closed the week of my birthday, as have two new car purchases. Last year, I got a Sage Oil Vac. This year I am getting a room that has been unfinished since the twins were born, finished. Or at least closer than it is now. L is picking up first round of supplies today!
August 1, 2011
What to Do?
Yesterday, one of the nursery workers at church came to me to ask what she should do if she suspected one of the nursery kids was being abused. I asked her a few questions to stall for time, because I wasn't sure what to do. As an employee of a social service agency, I am familiar with what it means to be a mandated reporter and the answer is very cut and dried. As a member of the church and the person responsible for the children's program, I wasn't sure what the policy was. I should know this, and am pretty sure I know where to look for the info, but I also didn't want to delay action if someone is being maltreated.
When she disclosed the name of the child, I was sort of dismissive and just asked another question. I told her I was just asking so I would have an idea of how to proceed, which was true. So we talked a bit, and made a decision about what we should do. I feel OK about that decision, even if I did just basically hand the responsibility off to someone else. And I feel disappointed that someone I know might be guilty of inappropriate behavior, especially harming a child. And my heart aches for the little girl, who is so sweet and adorable and always takes my hand and follows me wherever I take her.
The feeling that surprises me though is how much I really didn't want to know who she was talking about. Did I think it couldn't happen among people I know, especially at church? No, I know enough about child abuse to know that it really does happen in every kind of family, in every kind of situation. Was I afraid it was a close friend, maybe something I should have seen myself? Maybe a little. The truth is, I don't know why I was so reluctant to know the specifics. But the other disturbing thing is that I am maybe not as surprised as I could be by the name she gave. And now that I know the buck has been passed, I am a little curious to see what transpires.
And of course I will be praying that a little girl is OK.
When she disclosed the name of the child, I was sort of dismissive and just asked another question. I told her I was just asking so I would have an idea of how to proceed, which was true. So we talked a bit, and made a decision about what we should do. I feel OK about that decision, even if I did just basically hand the responsibility off to someone else. And I feel disappointed that someone I know might be guilty of inappropriate behavior, especially harming a child. And my heart aches for the little girl, who is so sweet and adorable and always takes my hand and follows me wherever I take her.
The feeling that surprises me though is how much I really didn't want to know who she was talking about. Did I think it couldn't happen among people I know, especially at church? No, I know enough about child abuse to know that it really does happen in every kind of family, in every kind of situation. Was I afraid it was a close friend, maybe something I should have seen myself? Maybe a little. The truth is, I don't know why I was so reluctant to know the specifics. But the other disturbing thing is that I am maybe not as surprised as I could be by the name she gave. And now that I know the buck has been passed, I am a little curious to see what transpires.
And of course I will be praying that a little girl is OK.
July 27, 2011
Sending an electronic newsletter (which is pretty cool, if I do say so myself) and killing time until my noon meeting, so I thought I would write a quick post about our summer in general. It has actually gone by really fast.
We couldn't afford for B to go to his usual summer program, so he has been going with L some, staying home or with friends once in awhile, and swimming every day. As a compromise, we managed to work in a couple of things to keep him entertained. He went to Space Camp right at the end of the school year, which was apparently awesome. (I still have to get three disposable cameras developed!). He went to church camp at the beginning of the month, where he had a girlfriend! This week, he is here. Actually today is the first day, and I can't wait to hear about it. Friday is my day to take him and I am hoping he has as much fun as I would doing this. He has also spent some time with his grandparents, who have at least one more camping trip planned, and then of course my mom and aunt will be coming right before school starts.
It has been way too hot to do much of anything this summer. I am hoping when my mom is here it is not too hot, but I expect it will be. Most of what we will be doing is indoors, at least, and then I can finish the rest of it on weekends as the weather cools off. I miss working on my house and different projects. Other than Kayce G, I am the only person I know who relaxes by sanding furniture :) I am hoping to take pictures, and plan a post about what I am working on. I won't get to start on it just yet, though. This week will be busy getting ready for RL, Saturday is the film showing, then next week getting ready for a week off.
Anyways, the next couple of weeks will hopefully be the good kind of busy, where I am occupied enough to keep my brain from thinking too much, and have something to show for it when I am done.
We couldn't afford for B to go to his usual summer program, so he has been going with L some, staying home or with friends once in awhile, and swimming every day. As a compromise, we managed to work in a couple of things to keep him entertained. He went to Space Camp right at the end of the school year, which was apparently awesome. (I still have to get three disposable cameras developed!). He went to church camp at the beginning of the month, where he had a girlfriend! This week, he is here. Actually today is the first day, and I can't wait to hear about it. Friday is my day to take him and I am hoping he has as much fun as I would doing this. He has also spent some time with his grandparents, who have at least one more camping trip planned, and then of course my mom and aunt will be coming right before school starts.
It has been way too hot to do much of anything this summer. I am hoping when my mom is here it is not too hot, but I expect it will be. Most of what we will be doing is indoors, at least, and then I can finish the rest of it on weekends as the weather cools off. I miss working on my house and different projects. Other than Kayce G, I am the only person I know who relaxes by sanding furniture :) I am hoping to take pictures, and plan a post about what I am working on. I won't get to start on it just yet, though. This week will be busy getting ready for RL, Saturday is the film showing, then next week getting ready for a week off.
Anyways, the next couple of weeks will hopefully be the good kind of busy, where I am occupied enough to keep my brain from thinking too much, and have something to show for it when I am done.
July 26, 2011
Boo Hoo
Last night my friend Rob posted something in advance of the President's TV appearance. Unable to resist, I challenged his comments. This led to a heated debate between another "friend" and me that went on for a while. It actually ended up with Rob and me on a completely different riff that had other people cracking up.
Today, out of curiosity, I looked to see if Lisa had posted anything else. Ha ha ha, I have been unfriended. This is the second time this has happened after I dared to disagree with someone. I was actually sorry about Tony, as I actually liked chatting with him and would never intentionally offend him. I am not at all sorry about Lisa, as she is an uptight, self-righteous pain in the ass. I mean c'mon, if an ex boyfriend with whom I am on opposite sides of almost every thing you can name and I can at least be Facebook friends, why not her? The only thing I will miss about her is that she posted good links.
Note to self: ask Rob to be sure to repost the good stuff :)
Today, out of curiosity, I looked to see if Lisa had posted anything else. Ha ha ha, I have been unfriended. This is the second time this has happened after I dared to disagree with someone. I was actually sorry about Tony, as I actually liked chatting with him and would never intentionally offend him. I am not at all sorry about Lisa, as she is an uptight, self-righteous pain in the ass. I mean c'mon, if an ex boyfriend with whom I am on opposite sides of almost every thing you can name and I can at least be Facebook friends, why not her? The only thing I will miss about her is that she posted good links.
Note to self: ask Rob to be sure to repost the good stuff :)
Relentless
The word of the day is "relentless". It describes the headache I had all day, as well as the thoughts that are keeping me awake. So, to think about anything else but that...
- The possible move to DC is off the table, but not permanently, just for now.
- I am about to embark on kicking the caffeine habit again. Wish me luck.
- My mom and my aunt will be here the week after next. Actually excited about it. Check again in a couple of weeks.
- I don't have a Facebook account, but continue to get about 5-10 friend requests per day. Apparently, someone who shares sexy pics and has an email similar to mine DOES have an account. I can't solve the problem without creating an account, so I spend 5 minutes a day deleting friends I don't have from an email I rarely check.
- I heard a song today that reminded me of someone I used to hang out with. We worked and partied together when I lived in Denver. Our nicknames were The Queen and The Princess. We were groupies of a local bar band and put these down as our names for their mailing list. Then we would drive all over town to listen to them play so-so cover songs in crappy hotel bars. One particular night we drove halfway to Thornton in the snow to hear them play at a Super 8. The two things I remember from that night are that my hot pink pants clashed very badly with the green and orange patterned carpet, and that a mirrored wall is good for practicing dancing if you dance like Axl Rose (me) or like someone who would have this song dedicated to her (Sandra):
July 25, 2011
Road Trippin'
I have had a post in mind where I did an inventory, if you will, of my life now vs. a year ago. I finally decided that the reason I was having a hard time getting started on it was because nothing has changed much, and certainly is not much better. I decided that rather than spell out the details, I would leave it at "another year older, another year wiser".
All that wisdom didn't keep me from taking on a last minute road trip. We decided late in the day on Thursday that we would go to OK after all. We left after work and got there late Thursday night. Of course my kids don't sleep in, so we were up at our usual time. We spent the afternoon at a water park, and went out to dinner. Afterward, my nephew and I stayed up until 2 a.m. just talking, then up the next morning to get ready for more family stuff. We left about 5:30 Saturday night and got home after midnight. Up again on Sunday for church. Up late on Sunday waiting for B to get home with grandparents. Now it is Monday afternoon and I am sitting here feeling 20 years older and none the wiser.
Gone are the days when nothing interesting ever started until at least 9 p.m. Gone are the days we thought nothing of driving to Dallas or Memphis just because we had friends there and we could. Gone are the days when a few hours of sleep will get me through most anything but a Saturday night bar shift. (Gone are Saturday night bar shifts). I don't miss most of that stuff, and I had a great time with family and friends, but I am definitely too old to pull it off as often as I used to.
Now to get my head together enough to get some work done so I can take Friday off again ;)
All that wisdom didn't keep me from taking on a last minute road trip. We decided late in the day on Thursday that we would go to OK after all. We left after work and got there late Thursday night. Of course my kids don't sleep in, so we were up at our usual time. We spent the afternoon at a water park, and went out to dinner. Afterward, my nephew and I stayed up until 2 a.m. just talking, then up the next morning to get ready for more family stuff. We left about 5:30 Saturday night and got home after midnight. Up again on Sunday for church. Up late on Sunday waiting for B to get home with grandparents. Now it is Monday afternoon and I am sitting here feeling 20 years older and none the wiser.
Gone are the days when nothing interesting ever started until at least 9 p.m. Gone are the days we thought nothing of driving to Dallas or Memphis just because we had friends there and we could. Gone are the days when a few hours of sleep will get me through most anything but a Saturday night bar shift. (Gone are Saturday night bar shifts). I don't miss most of that stuff, and I had a great time with family and friends, but I am definitely too old to pull it off as often as I used to.
Now to get my head together enough to get some work done so I can take Friday off again ;)
July 20, 2011
More Busyness
I was lamenting the fact that the only social event on my calendar for months in either direction was an upcoming family reunion (bor-ring). Latest news is that we might not be going after all. This kind of sucks, because I was actually looking forward to having something to do, even if it was just a family thing. But it's OK too, because I will probably work on a project at home. My mom and my aunt are coming to visit in a couple of weeks, and I was actually trying to figure out when I was going to get everything done before they came (next weekend is the last day of B's film camp). So no excuses, this weekend I will caulk the ceiling in preparation for painting. Whoo-hoo, and I thought I didn't have anything interesting to report.
July 19, 2011
Whiny Busyness
Hmm, I alluded to being busy, and I am, but it is the wrong kind of busy. It is the kind of busy where I fill up my time doing the things that are expected of me, like work and church and family things. It's the kind of busy that doesn't give me time to stop and think about the fact that I seldom do anything I want to do. I feel a bit bad whining about it, but sometimes I need to feel like an adult, not just a cook slash chauffeur. I need to talk to other grown ups about grown up subjects besides parenting. I want to watch TV on channels that don't have Disney in their name. I want to go out to eat and have a cocktail instead of waiting until my kids go to bed to drink a glass of cheap wine. I want time to actually write, or for that matter, time to work on any of the multitude of projects I started with good intentions and then let fall by the wayside. I want to use my vacation days for an actual vacation instead of for the above-mentioned family things.
Since I feel like single parent much of the time, with a budget to match, I don't have the means to do much of the stuff I would like to do. So I keep myself busy. I stay as busy as possible, right up until I fall asleep. That way I don't have as much time to feel sorry for myself, or blame other people, for the cliche my life has become. The downside is that I don't have dreams any more. And with that very pathetic statement of metaphor, I will get back to the things that are supposed to be keeping me busy.
Since I feel like single parent much of the time, with a budget to match, I don't have the means to do much of the stuff I would like to do. So I keep myself busy. I stay as busy as possible, right up until I fall asleep. That way I don't have as much time to feel sorry for myself, or blame other people, for the cliche my life has become. The downside is that I don't have dreams any more. And with that very pathetic statement of metaphor, I will get back to the things that are supposed to be keeping me busy.
July 12, 2011
Crazy Busy
I have several things going on that I need to update before I forget, but I can't seem to find the time. Only taking time to post a song I heard yesterday that I have always liked.
July 3, 2011
No Title - Just Pissed
It has been a couple of hours but I am still so angry I will probably be up for awhile.
I have a niece. She is close in age to the twins, and the three of them get along really well. She has only spent the night with my mother-in-law a few times, but never at our house even though she has been invited. So this weekend there was a funeral for a friend of my husband's family. I offered to babysit so my sister-in-law could go to the funeral, and also offered to keep Lily for the weekend, since L is working and I didn't have big plans. She took me up on the offer and we made plans for Lily to stay with us until Monday night or Tuesday morning, at which point she would go to my in-laws'/her great-grandma's for a day or two.
So yesterday was fine. I had four kids under the age of six, plus random 11 year-old boys wandering in and out. Lily was good all day, except when she was tired. She did fine today at church, sitting with her cousins and going to class without a fuss. Tonight we went to a community picnic with my in-laws. All three of the little kids were hot and tired and ready to go home. As we loaded the car, Lily whined a little about going to grandma's. I had pretty much convinced her coming home with us would be great, because her clothes and her special bear were here waiting for her, and I have promised them all homemade blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She was waiting for us to pile in the car, when B comes along and tries to tell her goodbye, have fun at grandma's. I give him the evil eye, while using my best patient voice to say that no, Lily needs to get in the car with me, she's not going to grandma's until tomorrow. She proceeds to start whining again and grandma takes her hand and says OK, you can just come with me, at which point I sort of lost it.
I said something like "whatever, I'm done", when my mother-in-law pipes up and says "I totally understand". If she said more, I didn't hear it because I got in the van and left, thinking you so obviously don't understand, you stupid f***ing cow, or you would have just put her in the car and told her you'd see her tomorrow. So I leave the parking lot, simultaneously yelling at B for opening his mouth, cursing my mother-in-law in my head, trying to think of a suitable answer for my two about why Lily isn't coming with us and ignoring the ringing phone because I don't feel sure I will be able to be civil.
I do answer L's call, and it turns out he needs me to stop so he can get a car seat, Lily is coming with us after all. I stop and let him get the seat, but leave before clueless lady pulls in. Half way home L calls again and says Lily wouldn't get in the car with him but was crying about her bear. He told her if she wanted the bear, she had to come to his house. He was calling to give me a heads up that his mom just might be willing to drive 18 miles to pick up the stupid bear, but I wasn't worried.
Why wasn't I worried?
BECAUSE AS MOST PARENTS OF AN EXHAUSTED PRESCHOOLER CAN TELL YOU, SHE WAS GOING TO F***ING BE ASLEEP AS SOON AS THE CAR GOT MOVING, AND TOMORROW SHE WON'T REMEMBER THAT SHE HADN'T WANTED TO COME, JUST WONDER WHERE THE TWINS ARE.
Thing is, I wasn't surprised that Lily wanted to go to grandma's, so I am not upset about that. I am just upset that after all this time, the woman doesn't get when it is OK to be the grandparent and spoil them a little, and when it is not OK to be the parent. Instead, she traded me one slightly whiny one for two who kept asking questions I couldn't politely answer (Lily didn't want to come to our house - why? + possible tears. Or Lily wanted to go to grandma's - well, I wanted to go to grandma's too. Or Lily needs to learn that whining doesn't get you what you want - that will come back to bite me on the butt). She also showed Lily that whining will indeed get her what she wants. Her gran is sure going to appreciate that by the end of the week.
Speaking of whom, I had one text and one voice mail from her asking how Lily was doing. I was a coward and just texted her back, saying Lily was fine, she was at her grandma's tonight.
So while there were no fireworks at the picnic, there were definitely some angry sparks shooting from my direction. Still a little pissed, and trying not to be a baby, what's best for Lily, blah blah blah.
Now I get to spend the day with mine tomorrow, who were asleep half-way home (big surprise) but who will be very disappointed that Lily isn't here when they wake up. As for Lily, that poor kid already has two addicts for parents, a grandma trying to raise her, a great-grandma who will be on my list for a few days over this, and a day missed with the most normal people in her family. Or at least I hope to be after sleeping on it myself.
I hope clueless lady finds one very pissed off daughter-in-law and three disappointed grand kids to be a good trade for an extra day with the one grandchild she was already going to spend several days with. As for me, I am going to enjoy the hell out of pancakes made with other people's blueberries!!!
I have a niece. She is close in age to the twins, and the three of them get along really well. She has only spent the night with my mother-in-law a few times, but never at our house even though she has been invited. So this weekend there was a funeral for a friend of my husband's family. I offered to babysit so my sister-in-law could go to the funeral, and also offered to keep Lily for the weekend, since L is working and I didn't have big plans. She took me up on the offer and we made plans for Lily to stay with us until Monday night or Tuesday morning, at which point she would go to my in-laws'/her great-grandma's for a day or two.
So yesterday was fine. I had four kids under the age of six, plus random 11 year-old boys wandering in and out. Lily was good all day, except when she was tired. She did fine today at church, sitting with her cousins and going to class without a fuss. Tonight we went to a community picnic with my in-laws. All three of the little kids were hot and tired and ready to go home. As we loaded the car, Lily whined a little about going to grandma's. I had pretty much convinced her coming home with us would be great, because her clothes and her special bear were here waiting for her, and I have promised them all homemade blueberry pancakes for breakfast. She was waiting for us to pile in the car, when B comes along and tries to tell her goodbye, have fun at grandma's. I give him the evil eye, while using my best patient voice to say that no, Lily needs to get in the car with me, she's not going to grandma's until tomorrow. She proceeds to start whining again and grandma takes her hand and says OK, you can just come with me, at which point I sort of lost it.
I said something like "whatever, I'm done", when my mother-in-law pipes up and says "I totally understand". If she said more, I didn't hear it because I got in the van and left, thinking you so obviously don't understand, you stupid f***ing cow, or you would have just put her in the car and told her you'd see her tomorrow. So I leave the parking lot, simultaneously yelling at B for opening his mouth, cursing my mother-in-law in my head, trying to think of a suitable answer for my two about why Lily isn't coming with us and ignoring the ringing phone because I don't feel sure I will be able to be civil.
I do answer L's call, and it turns out he needs me to stop so he can get a car seat, Lily is coming with us after all. I stop and let him get the seat, but leave before clueless lady pulls in. Half way home L calls again and says Lily wouldn't get in the car with him but was crying about her bear. He told her if she wanted the bear, she had to come to his house. He was calling to give me a heads up that his mom just might be willing to drive 18 miles to pick up the stupid bear, but I wasn't worried.
Why wasn't I worried?
BECAUSE AS MOST PARENTS OF AN EXHAUSTED PRESCHOOLER CAN TELL YOU, SHE WAS GOING TO F***ING BE ASLEEP AS SOON AS THE CAR GOT MOVING, AND TOMORROW SHE WON'T REMEMBER THAT SHE HADN'T WANTED TO COME, JUST WONDER WHERE THE TWINS ARE.
Thing is, I wasn't surprised that Lily wanted to go to grandma's, so I am not upset about that. I am just upset that after all this time, the woman doesn't get when it is OK to be the grandparent and spoil them a little, and when it is not OK to be the parent. Instead, she traded me one slightly whiny one for two who kept asking questions I couldn't politely answer (Lily didn't want to come to our house - why? + possible tears. Or Lily wanted to go to grandma's - well, I wanted to go to grandma's too. Or Lily needs to learn that whining doesn't get you what you want - that will come back to bite me on the butt). She also showed Lily that whining will indeed get her what she wants. Her gran is sure going to appreciate that by the end of the week.
Speaking of whom, I had one text and one voice mail from her asking how Lily was doing. I was a coward and just texted her back, saying Lily was fine, she was at her grandma's tonight.
So while there were no fireworks at the picnic, there were definitely some angry sparks shooting from my direction. Still a little pissed, and trying not to be a baby, what's best for Lily, blah blah blah.
Now I get to spend the day with mine tomorrow, who were asleep half-way home (big surprise) but who will be very disappointed that Lily isn't here when they wake up. As for Lily, that poor kid already has two addicts for parents, a grandma trying to raise her, a great-grandma who will be on my list for a few days over this, and a day missed with the most normal people in her family. Or at least I hope to be after sleeping on it myself.
I hope clueless lady finds one very pissed off daughter-in-law and three disappointed grand kids to be a good trade for an extra day with the one grandchild she was already going to spend several days with. As for me, I am going to enjoy the hell out of pancakes made with other people's blueberries!!!
June 30, 2011
Ellie and Bubba J - The End
It's over. No big declaration or epiphany, not even anything specific. Not that anybody's asking, but let's just say that I invoked the Mom Rule - It's over...because I said so.
And because this is strictly an internal decision, I don't really have to explain the childish compulsion to test the elasticity of the rule. But I will say that when this song came on today, I listened all the way through with changing it - just to see if I could.
And because this is strictly an internal decision, I don't really have to explain the childish compulsion to test the elasticity of the rule. But I will say that when this song came on today, I listened all the way through with changing it - just to see if I could.
June 28, 2011
I Can "Support" This
Ha ha - July 9th is National No Bra Day. So what that this is a lame non-event created for Facebook - it just means every day is a holiday for some of us LOL
June 27, 2011
Gray Matters, Extended Version
I started this blog as a place to park all of the random thoughts that kept me from sleeping or from being otherwise productive. Then lately I haven't had reliable access to internet/computer except at work so I have resorted to the old-school strategy of making lists. Today I realized I was making lists of lists I needed to make, and I finally said "enough". So for now at least I am back to blogging in an effort to organize some of what has been making me nuts.
In a nutshell, it's not so much the quantity as the (to me at least) enormity of some of what is going on:
As for sleeping, I think that has become my other coping strategy. Off toself medicate sleep. 'Night.
In a nutshell, it's not so much the quantity as the (to me at least) enormity of some of what is going on:
- L's business is going OK, but it has not completely replaced the salary he lost. Since we were not in great financial shape to begin with, this is really starting to stress me out. I won't go into detail because a) it makes me sound whiny and b) it doesn't help, but suffice it to say we are one more ER visit or major repair away from financial disaster.
- I have stayed at my job longer than I would have because it provides some stability and benefits. However, some big changes are coming in that department as well. I work for a boss who almost never gets in a hurry or gets excited, so when she does it is understood that I will drop everything and panic/adapt along with her. Sometimes this is temporary, but I think this time I am not going to adapt well, hence the panic. Trying to stay calm until I know more, but in light of the above, it's hard to do.
- I don't know yet if we will really move or not, but it is still on the table. Anyone who knows me knows that I have talked about living just about anywhere else besides Arkansas so the irony is not lost on me that I am freaking out a bit once a real opportunity presents itself. It's a good business opportunity, but it will require a job change for me, which has its pros and cons, and a financial situation that will probably get worse before it gets better. It's hard to see the pros to that, at least with a family to consider.
As for sleeping, I think that has become my other coping strategy. Off to
Gray Matters
Yeah, who am I kidding - I got nothin'. Will try to get my head together and post something later tonight, hopefully more than the same ol' random crap that has been circulating in my brain the last couple of weeks.
June 23, 2011
Always Waiting
I am uh-zaaasted, as B used to say. This trip to DC was a disaster in the making from the beginning. We waited until the last minute to commit to going, then even later to decide when I would return for sure. (There was a not-so-remote possibility that L would join me for the end of the week so we could check out the possibility of moving to Maryland. That is still a slight possibility, but it won't be decided this week.)
It's OK that I didn't have to have a personal life for a couple of days because work took up all of my time. The meetings themselves were mostly alright, but the planning was terrible. Then of course the return flight, which was where things fell apart. Between weather, overbooking and unexplained cancellations, I ended up getting home about midnight last night. It could have been worse (at one point they had me hopping all over the country and getting home sometime today), but the Delta people were very nice and only a couple of passengers were not. I sat next to a very interesting guy, my luggage made it home, hell, I made it home, so it all worked out in the end.
Today will be an easier day and tonight I will see my kids again before another crazy weekend with too many obligations. By next week life will get back to our version of normal, with maybe even time to acknowledge my 20th wedding anniversary, which falls sometime in the middle of all this.
It's OK that I didn't have to have a personal life for a couple of days because work took up all of my time. The meetings themselves were mostly alright, but the planning was terrible. Then of course the return flight, which was where things fell apart. Between weather, overbooking and unexplained cancellations, I ended up getting home about midnight last night. It could have been worse (at one point they had me hopping all over the country and getting home sometime today), but the Delta people were very nice and only a couple of passengers were not. I sat next to a very interesting guy, my luggage made it home, hell, I made it home, so it all worked out in the end.
Today will be an easier day and tonight I will see my kids again before another crazy weekend with too many obligations. By next week life will get back to our version of normal, with maybe even time to acknowledge my 20th wedding anniversary, which falls sometime in the middle of all this.
June 22, 2011
June 17, 2011
June 16, 2011
June 15, 2011
Not So Random
Nothing new to add except that I have finally booked my flight to DC and that swimming lessons seems to be a hit so far. This week and next are just crazy busy between kids' activities, work and church, and getting ready to go out of town. We'll blame that for my lack of any original thoughts lately LOL
June 9, 2011
Random Update Plus
- kitten found a new home that was less stressful than ours. now we have some stray dog hanging around that we can't seem to get rid of.
- still haven't booked a flight to DC! was waiting to see if it was going to be for the whole week or just a few days. looks like it will be just the original 4 days, so...
- B is gone to OK until Sunday
- kids will start swimming lessons on Monday
- found my jump drive :)
- dropped off resume at BSD this morning
- high temp today is only supposed to be 94. sad when that is considered a relief. what a totally strange year so far, weather-wise.
- heard the stripper song yesterday. cranked it up with a smirk LOL
The Weird Girl
I had a Goth phase. I cut all of my hair off, except for a long chunk at the front. I died all of it black, then added purple highlights to the bit in front. I am naturally pale anyway, but I used white-based makeup, accented by lots of black eye makeup and bright red lipstick. I only wore black, except for this funky purple cape-thing when it was very cold. I didn't have money for DMs, so I wore my black Converse high-tops. I wore them with everything, even skirts. I had my ears pierced five times. In the first two, I wore mismatched earrings, sometimes including a safety pin. In the next two, I wore normal earrings. In the one up high, I wore a small silver stud. I wore a lot of other jewelry too, mostly silver or black with weird things hanging from it. I have one picture of me from this time, but a good point of reference would be too google Robert Smith.
June 1, 2011
More Randomness
- we have a new kitten - she survived the night, now to see if she makes it all day with our two already pets bothering her
- I have misplaced the jump drive that had my best stuff on it :( Most of it was crap anyway, so no great loss, but still
- my knee feels much better today - I think I just popped it wrong
- will probably cave and turn on the AC - I slept OK last night, but only because I was exhausted, not because it was comfortable
- still having a hard time focusing on anything important (would much rather be flopped in the hammock reading a good book) but I'll have to get organized soon - school is almost officially out, then baseball will be over, I haven't booked a flight to DC yet...
May 31, 2011
Free Association and More Random Access Memories
Geez, my brain is firing all over the map last night and today. Since I can't possibly write about everything I am thinking, I am going to make a list of reminders to come back to:
- My cousins, but especially Rod and his family for some reason
- Han and David, only the best drinking buddies EVER
- creek fishing
- comparison of last Memorial Day weekend to this one
- L chasing the duck and crying because she just wanted to pet it and be its friend, which was hilarious on its own, and reminded me of the time my brother got attacked by a goose
May 27, 2011
Home Remedies
Whew - I think my fear about being on the manic upswing was for nothing. Maybe it's the wacky weather or the busy week, but I have not only been sleeping very well, I have had a hard time waking up in the mornings. (A bit of liquid self-medication probably doesn't hurt/help.)
Sleeping late has been nice. I think it goes along with the rainy weather and the fact that school is almost out. B still has one more week, although he is making his case for skipping it. For me, it means mornings will be a bit less hectic, even though I was "blessed" with children who do not sleep in (even when they have stayed up way too late the night before).
Since the end of school doesn't make much difference to me, I will have to make the most of my holiday weekend instead. As of right now, we have no plans. That is actually really awesome.
And on a different note, the dog's permanent boner seems to have disappeared. The vet said we should bring him in, but the problem appears to have been taken care of. How, I don't know, so don't ask. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have a home remedy for everything :)
Sleeping late has been nice. I think it goes along with the rainy weather and the fact that school is almost out. B still has one more week, although he is making his case for skipping it. For me, it means mornings will be a bit less hectic, even though I was "blessed" with children who do not sleep in (even when they have stayed up way too late the night before).
Since the end of school doesn't make much difference to me, I will have to make the most of my holiday weekend instead. As of right now, we have no plans. That is actually really awesome.
And on a different note, the dog's permanent boner seems to have disappeared. The vet said we should bring him in, but the problem appears to have been taken care of. How, I don't know, so don't ask. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have a home remedy for everything :)
May 26, 2011
All Clear
Yesterday I got a call from the school that said "Buses will be delayed due to severe weather. Students may be picked up at the storm shelter on the main campus". Kind of scary to be on the way home, listening to the weather but not knowing what I will find when I get there. Luckily no damage in our area this time. I am still trying to decide which is more distressing-sitting through tornado weather when kids who should be asleep are wide awake and asking a million questions, or not being all together when the sirens go off.
I also don't know which is more sad - the reason my kids' school has a storm shelter at all, that daycare just piles them all in the hallway, or that I just got off the phone from giving away (yes, giving away) this:
I also don't know which is more sad - the reason my kids' school has a storm shelter at all, that daycare just piles them all in the hallway, or that I just got off the phone from giving away (yes, giving away) this:
May 25, 2011
Hmmm Day
We usually hold out until Memorial Day to turn on the AC, but the weather has been so crazy this year that here it's almost time and I haven't even noticed. It only feels hot when I do stuff. I wonder if I can extend the start of the AC season by just refusing to clean my house?
WTH did I buy scented deodorant? I can't smell it, and even if I could, why would I want my armpits to smell like raspberries?
Space Camp was a hit. B also received two academic awards this week. I told him I was proud of him. As he left the room I heard, very quietly, "I'm proud of me too". He is such a geek! So glad he seems to be more OK with it than I ever was.
WTH did I buy scented deodorant? I can't smell it, and even if I could, why would I want my armpits to smell like raspberries?
Space Camp was a hit. B also received two academic awards this week. I told him I was proud of him. As he left the room I heard, very quietly, "I'm proud of me too". He is such a geek! So glad he seems to be more OK with it than I ever was.
Shop Safety 101
I heard a segment on the radio about some new technology to make table saws safer. Seems some scary number of people, even professionals, are injured by table saws every year.
It reminded me of when Tabby and I took shop in 8th grade. Safety was a big deal, and we took it pretty seriously, but we were responsible for two mishaps that I can remember.
We had been taught to use the table saw in pairs, with one person pushing the lumber through and the other pushing down and pulling it towards them from the other side. So Tabby had her back to the TA, who was sitting in a chair trying to flirt with her. We had reached the point where she was controlling the board and I was about to let go when she got distracted. She also let go of the board, which was about a two-foot square of cabinet plywood. It flipped off the blade and hit Ty right in the chest. At the same time, he reflexively pushed the chair back, causing it to tip over. The board didn't hurt him, but the backwards landing on a concrete floor shook him up a little :)
In the other instance, Tabby was flirting with Brian C and caused him to skin his knuckles pretty good on the wooden block he was turning on the lathe when he got flustered.
It took me all quarter to build a basic bookshelf and a crooked picture frame. Tabby never did finish the bread box.
It reminded me of when Tabby and I took shop in 8th grade. Safety was a big deal, and we took it pretty seriously, but we were responsible for two mishaps that I can remember.
We had been taught to use the table saw in pairs, with one person pushing the lumber through and the other pushing down and pulling it towards them from the other side. So Tabby had her back to the TA, who was sitting in a chair trying to flirt with her. We had reached the point where she was controlling the board and I was about to let go when she got distracted. She also let go of the board, which was about a two-foot square of cabinet plywood. It flipped off the blade and hit Ty right in the chest. At the same time, he reflexively pushed the chair back, causing it to tip over. The board didn't hurt him, but the backwards landing on a concrete floor shook him up a little :)
In the other instance, Tabby was flirting with Brian C and caused him to skin his knuckles pretty good on the wooden block he was turning on the lathe when he got flustered.
It took me all quarter to build a basic bookshelf and a crooked picture frame. Tabby never did finish the bread box.
May 24, 2011
Act One
Not sure what made me think of him, but I something reminded me of a guy I used to fool around with in high school. One time our art teacher sent us to work on the set for a play during class time. We were goofing around, definitely not working, when Mick sent some more people to work on the set. They thought the light would be better if they opened the curtains. This was a good idea for someone who needed to paint a backdrop. It was a very bad idea for Bear and I, who were making out on the couch in the middle of the stage.
May 23, 2011
How High?
And so it begins. Surprised I didn't see it coming when I asked the question.
I laid awake until after 2:00 a.m., which I haven't done in a while. Then I woke up before the alarm and proceeded to clean my house. Also rearranged some furniture (in my head) and made a plan for finishing the drapes for the addition.
Must try to take advantage of this unreasonable sense of optimism, that I might somehow turn nothing into something, while the feeling lasts.
I laid awake until after 2:00 a.m., which I haven't done in a while. Then I woke up before the alarm and proceeded to clean my house. Also rearranged some furniture (in my head) and made a plan for finishing the drapes for the addition.
Must try to take advantage of this unreasonable sense of optimism, that I might somehow turn nothing into something, while the feeling lasts.
May 20, 2011
Riddled
I was going to post my list of things I wish I had done before tomorrow's apocalypse, but it made my head hurt. So I toyed with the idea of a F*** It list instead of a bucket list, but I just didn't have it in me. I had a weird dream I can't quite recall, except that it involved me working really hard, which usually indicates stress or distraction of some kind. And for some reason I am overly obsessed with the following riddle:
I drive through three counties on my commute - one "wet" and two "dry". On the way home, at the county line from wet to dry, a new building went up seemingly overnight. Then it sat there for a couple of weeks. When they began working on it again, I could see that it is going to be a liquor store. The location is good in that it's at the county line, but weird in that it sits right between two other liquor stores.
So going the other way, from dry to wet, there's another new building. It's in a row between an auto salvage, the adult entertainment store, and a motorcycle shop. What kind of business fits here?
Truthfully, since it can't be a day care and it's too big to be a Starbucks, I don't really care. It's just that that's how coherent my thoughts have been this week. Not sure why I am so tired and cranky.
I drive through three counties on my commute - one "wet" and two "dry". On the way home, at the county line from wet to dry, a new building went up seemingly overnight. Then it sat there for a couple of weeks. When they began working on it again, I could see that it is going to be a liquor store. The location is good in that it's at the county line, but weird in that it sits right between two other liquor stores.
So going the other way, from dry to wet, there's another new building. It's in a row between an auto salvage, the adult entertainment store, and a motorcycle shop. What kind of business fits here?
Truthfully, since it can't be a day care and it's too big to be a Starbucks, I don't really care. It's just that that's how coherent my thoughts have been this week. Not sure why I am so tired and cranky.
May 18, 2011
Dixie Chick
Heard this today and remembered how much I used to like them. Before the idiot local radio stations scrubbed them from the playlists in favor of Toby Keith. And before I discovered YouTube :)
Full Moons and Bats
Driving home last night, D says "It's like God is messing with us." He said it because the moon was a big, fat, playful one that seemed to change locations as we made the twists and turns required to get home from the ball park. Even so, I had to agree with him in general principal.
This morning as I left, the dog seemed to be attacking a bicycle. I assumed he had found a frog, but was surprised to see that he was trying to get a bat to come out and play. It was hanging upside down in the space between the fender and the chain. I tried to put the dog inside, but he managed to extract the bat. Then he seemed very disappointed when the bat just laid there, not interested at all in playing.
B left for Space Camp today. The twins are terribly concerned about him going into space and not coming back :) I am most concerned he will lose his retainer!
This morning as I left, the dog seemed to be attacking a bicycle. I assumed he had found a frog, but was surprised to see that he was trying to get a bat to come out and play. It was hanging upside down in the space between the fender and the chain. I tried to put the dog inside, but he managed to extract the bat. Then he seemed very disappointed when the bat just laid there, not interested at all in playing.
B left for Space Camp today. The twins are terribly concerned about him going into space and not coming back :) I am most concerned he will lose his retainer!
May 16, 2011
Ah, Monday
My knees are killing me, but that's OK. It's because I took my new bike for a spin yesterday and they are complaining about it. It's a nice bike - a 15-speed trail bike that gave me a good workout for an hour ride. Hope to be able to ride again soon and often.
Busy week again this week. The twins spent the night at grandma's with cousin, will see them tonight in time for baseball. B has a game tomorrow night, but will miss Thursday because he will be at Space Camp. I am so excited for him. I hope he enjoys it as much as I think he will.
Today is also band open house. He thinks he want to play the flute. I am torn on this. I played the flute and hated, hated, hated it. But, it was not my instrument of choice. Maybe getting to play the instrument you want is more important, even if it makes your grandpa cringe :) Anyways, I like the idea of him learning to read music and try out different things, so we'll go with it if it's what he wants.
We are also checking out his options for summer. He is probably not doing sailing this year. He likes it and is good at it, but he has reached the point where he needs to be able to go out and sail more than one week a year, and that is not something we can do right now. He is interested in going to film school for kids though. It's a week-long camp where he will learn about scripting, casting and shooting a short film, which will be shown at an independent film festival later in the summer. It's not terribly expensive, and I think he will do really well at it. He is probably also doing advanced swimming lessons until he is old enough to take junior life guard class. He would honestly stay in the water all summer if we would let him.
And on a final note before I get busy with actual work, I saw the most amazing thing in the parking lot on the way in - A truck with a flat bed trailer containing what appears to be a homemade catapult, complete with a medieval-looking coat-of-arms on either side. It looks like it was probably built by kids, maybe Boy Scouts or something, for a project. Pretty cool, especially if it actually works.
Interesting start to the week following a good weekend. Can this please be a return to "normal"?
Busy week again this week. The twins spent the night at grandma's with cousin, will see them tonight in time for baseball. B has a game tomorrow night, but will miss Thursday because he will be at Space Camp. I am so excited for him. I hope he enjoys it as much as I think he will.
Today is also band open house. He thinks he want to play the flute. I am torn on this. I played the flute and hated, hated, hated it. But, it was not my instrument of choice. Maybe getting to play the instrument you want is more important, even if it makes your grandpa cringe :) Anyways, I like the idea of him learning to read music and try out different things, so we'll go with it if it's what he wants.
We are also checking out his options for summer. He is probably not doing sailing this year. He likes it and is good at it, but he has reached the point where he needs to be able to go out and sail more than one week a year, and that is not something we can do right now. He is interested in going to film school for kids though. It's a week-long camp where he will learn about scripting, casting and shooting a short film, which will be shown at an independent film festival later in the summer. It's not terribly expensive, and I think he will do really well at it. He is probably also doing advanced swimming lessons until he is old enough to take junior life guard class. He would honestly stay in the water all summer if we would let him.
And on a final note before I get busy with actual work, I saw the most amazing thing in the parking lot on the way in - A truck with a flat bed trailer containing what appears to be a homemade catapult, complete with a medieval-looking coat-of-arms on either side. It looks like it was probably built by kids, maybe Boy Scouts or something, for a project. Pretty cool, especially if it actually works.
Interesting start to the week following a good weekend. Can this please be a return to "normal"?
May 12, 2011
I Have People
I have people who have no interest in my life. That's OK.
I have people who seem to be listening, because they say things like "I know what you mean", then proceed with "I..." and their own story.
I have people who ask questions that leave me more annoyed than before.
I have people who spout platitudes. This is not the same as advice, but I wasn't asking for that either.
I have people who want to help me fix things. This is also not what I am asking for. I don't need anything "fixed".
What I need, but don't have, is someone who will say "I am sorry you have had such a crap time of it the last year. Let's meet somewhere and get plastered".
I have people who seem to be listening, because they say things like "I know what you mean", then proceed with "I..." and their own story.
I have people who ask questions that leave me more annoyed than before.
I have people who spout platitudes. This is not the same as advice, but I wasn't asking for that either.
I have people who want to help me fix things. This is also not what I am asking for. I don't need anything "fixed".
What I need, but don't have, is someone who will say "I am sorry you have had such a crap time of it the last year. Let's meet somewhere and get plastered".
May 5, 2011
Observed
Headstones - The cemetary is still partially under water. The tops of the headstones are now visible where yesterday I could only see neat rows of clumps of artificial flowers. The house that should not have been built is still mostly under water.
Graham Gordy - It should definitely be against the law for someone that attractive to also be smart and funny.
Sunbather - On the back side of our parking deck, where the alley dips down toward the mall, there is a small ledge. On this ledge is a guy wearing nothing but some cut-off shorts and enough oil to blind an unsuspecting driver.
Irony - It hasn't rained for a couple of days, and much of the standing water has dissipated, but tonight's ball game is still canceled. Apparently they truck they were using to repair the lights got stuck and ruined the field.
Today's fortune cookie wisdom - Flying is easy. Trying not to hit the ground is hard.
Graham Gordy - It should definitely be against the law for someone that attractive to also be smart and funny.
Sunbather - On the back side of our parking deck, where the alley dips down toward the mall, there is a small ledge. On this ledge is a guy wearing nothing but some cut-off shorts and enough oil to blind an unsuspecting driver.
Irony - It hasn't rained for a couple of days, and much of the standing water has dissipated, but tonight's ball game is still canceled. Apparently they truck they were using to repair the lights got stuck and ruined the field.
Today's fortune cookie wisdom - Flying is easy. Trying not to hit the ground is hard.
Flooding
When I was a kid, my dad sheared sheep for a living. Beginning in March, he would travel around to different places to shear sheep in advance of the lambing season. He usually started out with local jobs and those where he could be home every night. Gradually, he would travel farther away, until he took the camper trailer and was officially on the road. Around the beginning of May, my mom would make preparations for us to join him. She would call the utility companies to have our service status changed to "vacation", make arrangements to have our mail forwarded to my aunt, and talk to the school about the fact that my brother and I would be finishing the year early. By the middle of May, we would join the crew, usually somewhere in northern Utah. We would spend the next six weeks in Idaho, Montana and Wyoming.
And so it was that we came to be just outside of St. Anthony, Idaho at the beginning of June, 1976. The adults had heard that the nearby Teton Dam, an earthen dam, was failing. St. Anthony was not in danger, but they thought it wise to go into town and stock up on supplies. In addition to provisions, they returned with all sorts of things that stores had been selling at disaster prices rather than have their inventory washed away. Then, they climbed up on the roof of the shearing rig, about the height of a semi, and watched through binoculars as the dam was breached, spilling the contents of the lake into the river valley below.
For the next few days, the families of the crew members back home would not know if we were OK. They knew we were in the approximate area, but we were unable to get to anywhere with a phone to let them know we were OK. My cousin Clint and two other crew members were stranded in Rexburg, a town downstream from the dam that was pretty much destroyed, for more than a week before they were able to return.
Most of the land that was flooded was farmland, not range land, and I don't remember if anyone we knew in the area was directly affected by the flood as far as property damage. I do remember the strange sights the next time we drove into town to run errands. What used to be hay fields were now filled with water. I remember seeing a bloated cow, feet in the air amid the other floating debris. I remember that the crew finished the job and that as soon as we were able we moved on to the next location.
I sometimes wish I could remember the details of that extraordinary event, but it's probably good that a seven year-old didn't really witness such destruction. It's probably good that I have a healthy respect for the power of nature. It might explain why, when it comes to nature, I believe mankind is better off learning to exist within it rather than trying to change it to meet our needs. Alas, there will always be people who think it is easier to control the external environment than it is to change their own habits or expectations.
I should quit while I am ahead, since I often fit into that latter category. I will end by saying I really do wish I could learn to use binoculars.
And so it was that we came to be just outside of St. Anthony, Idaho at the beginning of June, 1976. The adults had heard that the nearby Teton Dam, an earthen dam, was failing. St. Anthony was not in danger, but they thought it wise to go into town and stock up on supplies. In addition to provisions, they returned with all sorts of things that stores had been selling at disaster prices rather than have their inventory washed away. Then, they climbed up on the roof of the shearing rig, about the height of a semi, and watched through binoculars as the dam was breached, spilling the contents of the lake into the river valley below.
For the next few days, the families of the crew members back home would not know if we were OK. They knew we were in the approximate area, but we were unable to get to anywhere with a phone to let them know we were OK. My cousin Clint and two other crew members were stranded in Rexburg, a town downstream from the dam that was pretty much destroyed, for more than a week before they were able to return.
Most of the land that was flooded was farmland, not range land, and I don't remember if anyone we knew in the area was directly affected by the flood as far as property damage. I do remember the strange sights the next time we drove into town to run errands. What used to be hay fields were now filled with water. I remember seeing a bloated cow, feet in the air amid the other floating debris. I remember that the crew finished the job and that as soon as we were able we moved on to the next location.
I sometimes wish I could remember the details of that extraordinary event, but it's probably good that a seven year-old didn't really witness such destruction. It's probably good that I have a healthy respect for the power of nature. It might explain why, when it comes to nature, I believe mankind is better off learning to exist within it rather than trying to change it to meet our needs. Alas, there will always be people who think it is easier to control the external environment than it is to change their own habits or expectations.
I should quit while I am ahead, since I often fit into that latter category. I will end by saying I really do wish I could learn to use binoculars.
May 2, 2011
Long Week of Long Days and Nights
Possible reasons I didn't sleep too well last night:
- Thunderstorms don't really keep me awake. Sleeping in a room that is directly under a really big tree, after a week that included tornadoes, keeps me awake.
- Too much coffee too late in the day.
- "Who is Chad?"
- Took an alternate route to work, but if it keeps raining like it is now, that route will also be under water by tonight.
- Computer is acting stupid again.
- Looking more and more like we are going to have to cut L's hair to get rid of head lice :-(
April 28, 2011
WTH to Call This?
I wonder and obsess about all sorts of random things and have been known to babble on about the most inconsequential of these. But there are always a few things that I don't talk about at all. These things are put in their proper place. You know, that place somewhere inside where you tuck away your secrets and hurts and disappointments, behind your scariest hopes and fears, usually deep in your heart or in some recess of your brain.
Today I had to firmly put one of those things back in its place when it dared to poke its head out of the shadows. Using the firmest voice in my head, I told it that while I appreciated it venturing forth when I wished I had someone to talk to, it seemed to make more sense that I find a new friend or interest rather than wondering about one I had lost. It is welcome to wish me goodnight once in awhile as I drift off to sleep, but otherwise it needs to remember to stay in that place where I have put it. You know, that place where you put perfectly polished memories and other things that are better left alone.
Today I had to firmly put one of those things back in its place when it dared to poke its head out of the shadows. Using the firmest voice in my head, I told it that while I appreciated it venturing forth when I wished I had someone to talk to, it seemed to make more sense that I find a new friend or interest rather than wondering about one I had lost. It is welcome to wish me goodnight once in awhile as I drift off to sleep, but otherwise it needs to remember to stay in that place where I have put it. You know, that place where you put perfectly polished memories and other things that are better left alone.
April 27, 2011
A Formal Affair with Chuck Taylor
One spring day, sometime after Spring Break but before I was otherwise attached, I was waiting in the hall for the class before ours to let out. I was watching for a break in the tide when one of the faces was right in front of me.
It was a guy named AD, whom I had met earlier in the fall. I had ended up going to his dorm room with him, but nothing happened and I split as soon as I could. We had seen each other around campus, but not been at any of the same parties or said more than "hi", so I was a little surprised when he invited me to his fraternity's spring formal. I agreed to go, not so much because I liked him but because I didn't not like him, and I was curious what a fraternity formal would be like.
I was a little nervous, but excited like any female would be about dressing up and going out. I wore my pink and black tuxedo dress, and boring black pumps, although I toyed with the idea of wearing my Chuck Taylors just to let them know I didn't take all of the fraternity/sorority self-importance and drama that seriously.
Turns out the sneaks would have been a better choice. Had I been wearing them, I would have seriously considered walking home at one of the following points in the evening:
Todd B was on desk duty and had probably seen it all. He just raised his eyebrows and asked if I'd had a good time. I smiled and kept walking, thinking "Thank God at least I don't have a hangover".
It was a guy named AD, whom I had met earlier in the fall. I had ended up going to his dorm room with him, but nothing happened and I split as soon as I could. We had seen each other around campus, but not been at any of the same parties or said more than "hi", so I was a little surprised when he invited me to his fraternity's spring formal. I agreed to go, not so much because I liked him but because I didn't not like him, and I was curious what a fraternity formal would be like.
I was a little nervous, but excited like any female would be about dressing up and going out. I wore my pink and black tuxedo dress, and boring black pumps, although I toyed with the idea of wearing my Chuck Taylors just to let them know I didn't take all of the fraternity/sorority self-importance and drama that seriously.
Turns out the sneaks would have been a better choice. Had I been wearing them, I would have seriously considered walking home at one of the following points in the evening:
- After I sat through dinner with the people all around me talking only to each other. They already knew each other, and I was dismissed once I said I was not in a sorority, as if that determined whether or not we had anything else to talk about.
- After he danced with about the fourth person who wasn't me.
- After he had his picture taken with about 20 people, who also weren't me.
- After we went to the room he rented for the night and it became obvious why he had invited me. He used the argument that we had done it before (we hadn't), he had rented a room (so?) and why not? (he was an asshole). He finally gave up and passed out.
Todd B was on desk duty and had probably seen it all. He just raised his eyebrows and asked if I'd had a good time. I smiled and kept walking, thinking "Thank God at least I don't have a hangover".
April 26, 2011
The Spiderman Kite is Gone
The bad news is that the Spiderman kite we lost on Sunday is no longer in the tree and nowhere to be found.
The good news is that is the only thing so far that I have noticed just completely missing. Blown off the porch into the yard or across the driveway, check. Pulled up by the roots and lying across the yard, check. Peeled off the roof and dangling over the side, check. Under three inches of water, check. But missing? Nope, all of our junk seems to be here.
Well, there. I am writing this from my in-law's house where we are spending the day. Our whole town is without power until probably tomorrow. School is cancelled of course, and I rescheduled the dentist. Baseball is also cancelled again because of weather and damage. Will go home long enough to regroup and get the generator going full power, but will probably put off much heavy cleanup until the next round of storms passes.
Thoughts going through my head today include of course gratefulness for minimal damage, but also complete boredom because there isn't much to be done yet except entertain kids and wait it out. I am also tired, just because last night was a long night. One would think that a total absence of light and sound except for the hum of a generator would be soothing, but it wasn't. It was just that feeling of helplessness I hate when I know there must be something more to see and do, but not knowing yet what it is.
The good news is that is the only thing so far that I have noticed just completely missing. Blown off the porch into the yard or across the driveway, check. Pulled up by the roots and lying across the yard, check. Peeled off the roof and dangling over the side, check. Under three inches of water, check. But missing? Nope, all of our junk seems to be here.
Well, there. I am writing this from my in-law's house where we are spending the day. Our whole town is without power until probably tomorrow. School is cancelled of course, and I rescheduled the dentist. Baseball is also cancelled again because of weather and damage. Will go home long enough to regroup and get the generator going full power, but will probably put off much heavy cleanup until the next round of storms passes.
Thoughts going through my head today include of course gratefulness for minimal damage, but also complete boredom because there isn't much to be done yet except entertain kids and wait it out. I am also tired, just because last night was a long night. One would think that a total absence of light and sound except for the hum of a generator would be soothing, but it wasn't. It was just that feeling of helplessness I hate when I know there must be something more to see and do, but not knowing yet what it is.
April 25, 2011
Four Going on Forty
Shut Up!
L - Mom, D said shut up!
Me - We don't say shut up. It's not nice.
D - I wasn't telling her to shut up. I was telling the world to shut up. I hate the world.
Me - That doesn't sound very nice either.
D - OK, I love the world. But I just don't want to listen to it right now.
At four, he's too young to understand that if you don't want to listen to the world, it's up to you to choose when and how to tune it out, especially when everyone and everything is competing for your attention.
At forty, he'll be back to wishing it was possible to get the same results just by shouting "Shut the hell up already"!
L - Mom, D said shut up!
Me - We don't say shut up. It's not nice.
D - I wasn't telling her to shut up. I was telling the world to shut up. I hate the world.
Me - That doesn't sound very nice either.
D - OK, I love the world. But I just don't want to listen to it right now.
At four, he's too young to understand that if you don't want to listen to the world, it's up to you to choose when and how to tune it out, especially when everyone and everything is competing for your attention.
At forty, he'll be back to wishing it was possible to get the same results just by shouting "Shut the hell up already"!
Moderation My Eye, It's Been All or Nothing
Yesterday was a day of excess, in the best kind of way -
- It was my turn for Sharing Time, so I did an Easter lesson, twice.
- Hid and hunted for seven dozen Easter eggs, two and a half times (side note: I knew we hadn't found all of the eggs, but the kids had lost interest. I made sure no one had stuck one in a tailpipe, and then we quit. The dog will find the rest.).
- At this point there were only nine eggs that hadn't been touched and three preschoolers who needed something else to do. So we dyed eggs. Then stamped and painted on them. Then stuck every sticker we could find on them. Then, since most of them had been dropped at least once, we peeled them and ate them.
- Flew kites so high we ran out of string. Didn't quit until we lost Spiderman in the neighbor's tree.
- Ate/drank so much sugar that it is a wonder I didn't go into a diabetic coma.
- Watched not one, but four episodes of Rescue Me, trying to get caught up before the final season.
April 22, 2011
Picture This
I have drafted this post in my head a few times, but haven't written it until now. Something about committing it to "paper" makes it more real, and therefore more pathetic. So why now? To take my mind off the pain where I whacked my wrist reaching for the knob on the radio when it turned out I could not in fact listen to that song subjectively.
So, things that I used to think made people white trash, until they happened to me but are now things I try to laugh at, so as not to cry:
So, things that I used to think made people white trash, until they happened to me but are now things I try to laugh at, so as not to cry:
- One of my children came home with head lice.
- The dog shredded the mini blind on the big window facing the street. I left it up way too long because I couldn't afford to replace it, not even with a Confederate flag or a pee-stained Spiderman sheet.
- I took the insurance check and paid bills with it instead of getting the hail damage on the Mom Mobile fixed. (Because why spend money on body work when your hub cap is held on with zip ties?)
- I instinctively look up when I see water on the floor because it is only a matter of time before the roof leaks in a noticeable spot.
- I sent Little Debbie snacks that had been salvaged from the expired bin for my kids' Easter party contribution.
- For that matter, I have convinced my kids that Vienna Sausage and crackers with cheese spread is a treat reserved for once a week.
- And yes, I am still married to a man who wears a uniform with his name on a patch sewn above the pocket. (On the "plus" side, I am now greeted as Mrs. Monkey by the
hagcustomer service rep at the wholesale filter supplier.)
April 21, 2011
The Word of the Day is "Stupor"
The world is actually a pretty fascinating place, if I pull my head out long enough to notice it. I know this, but it takes something to tap my consciousness once in a while. Today I had it pointed out to me by a relative stranger. My first instinct was to just write him off, but I didn't. Instead, I have had his comment on my mind all day.
He's right about me being in a stupor and needing to just get over myself. I have no problem with him being right. What I am wrestling with is how to deal with it. Ordinarily, I am pretty choosy about who I let get close enough to get away with making statements that blunt and still remain a friend. But I invited this "relationship" and now it's up to me to decide how to proceed.
I need someone who is able to see through my bullshit and call me on it. I am just trying to decide if I am brave enough to accept it or if I am going to back away from what I started.
He's right about me being in a stupor and needing to just get over myself. I have no problem with him being right. What I am wrestling with is how to deal with it. Ordinarily, I am pretty choosy about who I let get close enough to get away with making statements that blunt and still remain a friend. But I invited this "relationship" and now it's up to me to decide how to proceed.
I need someone who is able to see through my bullshit and call me on it. I am just trying to decide if I am brave enough to accept it or if I am going to back away from what I started.
April 20, 2011
The Rules
So I am hanging out reading when D runs in the room with B right behind him, lightly punching him on the arm. "Stop hitting your brother", I say, but he keeps doing it. "He didn't call safety", says my eleven year-old, still tapping on my four year-old. "I don't care, STOP hitting him", I say. "He farted on his way through the room and didn't call safety or touch a door knob yet". I am thinking that I have never heard of this game, and I am guessing D hasn't either. I say as much to B, and reiterate my rule that if both people don't know and agree to the rules, it's the same as bullying and he needs to quit.
D is sniffling and looking at me, so I tell him to come on up and snuggle. We talk for a minute about how it's not nice to hit, or to expect someone to play a game without knowing the rules. "Yeah, and it's not nice to hit a little guy", he says pitifully. I agree and pat him some more. I am enjoying just lying there with him, knowing he isn't really hurt, when it occurs to me to ask "So...did you fart?".
He sits up, and his face does that thing it does, where it transforms from serious to a smirk to total grin. "Yeah". We both giggle a little and I get up too. I hold my arms out for him and say "Let's go get a fudgesicle".
D is sniffling and looking at me, so I tell him to come on up and snuggle. We talk for a minute about how it's not nice to hit, or to expect someone to play a game without knowing the rules. "Yeah, and it's not nice to hit a little guy", he says pitifully. I agree and pat him some more. I am enjoying just lying there with him, knowing he isn't really hurt, when it occurs to me to ask "So...did you fart?".
He sits up, and his face does that thing it does, where it transforms from serious to a smirk to total grin. "Yeah". We both giggle a little and I get up too. I hold my arms out for him and say "Let's go get a fudgesicle".
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