Full speed ahead...

...with no particular plan

I heard this on the radio and it stuck with me because it perfectly describes everything right now. I keep plowing ahead, learning to manage more of life on my own without waiting for help or validation from others, responding to stupid questions and crises of the day, giving little thought to anything beyond getting through today, because to stop and think just makes me want to withdraw and feel pitiful. I keep thinking that if I can keep moving forward, I will eventually get somewhere better.

At least I sincerely hope this is the case, because otherwise I have wasted a lot of time on the wrong ideas, people and things.

Undecided

Untitled. Undecided. Un-whatever - this has been a really very crappy couple of days.

The trip to Branson was actually OK. The weather was fantastic, the resort was nice, the kids had a great time. I could have stood to stay another day, maybe.

But, I got some disturbing news, and I am not sure yet what to do with/about it. I can see even as I write that I am going to need to think a little more about it before I do anything.

Then I got to work today to find the chaos has accelerated into like super chaos or something. Not sure about this either, but the difference is that I have limited control over how this turns out. Suffice it to say that I am longer waiting until after the conference to step up the job search.

I am headed to home to face a tedious task I can no longer avoid, so even home won't be that relaxing tonight.

And to think that I was just hoping to get around to posting about the dream I had of living in a hotel with a lobby big enough for the kids to ride their bikes and a lesbian roommate who specialized in stir fry.

Hmmpphh - Happy freaking Monday.

Contents of a 13 year-old boy's backpack...

So I mentioned some concern about B possibly smoking. Last night I had the opportunity to take a peek in the sport pack he carries everywhere. Right off the bat I noticed a lighter, so I proceeded to look for cigarettes, or signs of cigarettes. I found an iPhone speaker, headphones, 2 packs of gum, his wrist wallet with his house key and a dollar, some Axe, but no smokes. I did find a crumpled paper sack, which I suspected might be fireworks, and then another paper sack folded up small and taped shut. Oh, hell no. Not being able to smell, I gently opened it, expecting the worst.

My excitement about NOT FINDING POT turned to dismay as I recognized the contents - condoms. I glanced in the other bag, which also contained condoms. What I had here was standard-issue health department condoms, complete with the mini-booklet entitled "How to use condoms". Well then.

I was so relieved that it wasn't something worse, that I just stuck everything back the best I could and returned the sack, including the lighter.

After much thought, I am wondering why he is carrying a lighter around, still on the alert for signs of smoking, but definitely glad that if I had to find a conversation starter it was condoms and not drugs.

It will just be the two of us on the drive up to Branson, so we'll see what comes of that.

Back to Reality

Today feels more like normal. Yesterday I was so tired from the weekend that I am surprised I accomplished anything. Friday night everyone got here and we stayed up way too late. Saturday we had to get up early to go to the cemetery, then lunch, then back home to move furniture. Then back to pick up chairs and set up for the party. It was great - everyone did a really good job. Sunday was my first time to teach an adult class in forever. I don't think I did so hot, but K was with me and she said I did fine. She also got to see her dad, which was, umm, interesting.

No other big news. I didn't get the job I interviewed for, but I am actually OK with that. A friend of mine who used to work there gave me a heads up that I might be in for a really weird environment. I did get the china cabinet moved, which is a big deal. Now I have no excuses for not making progress on projects. Well, except that this weekend is family reunion in Branson.

Only other item of note is that I have really good reason to believe that B has started smoking. I will have to get creative to prove it, since I can't smell. Not sure I like the idea of having to be sneaky with my own kid, unless it turns out he started it.

Oh yeah, and the squatters have moved on. I think. Patrol car was next door again Sunday night.

I Needed a Holiday

So the last couple of months at work have been muy stressful. I had a job interview that seemed pretty promising, but I haven't heard anything else from them. But after a couple of days off with the family, I am feeling much better.

Wednesday night I dropped the kids off at grandma's and headed to Memphis. Spent the 4th in Tunica playing black jack and craps. Didn't come out ahead, but we spent most of the day there, had a great time, and didn't lose more than allowed. Headed back to Memphis, where we watched the fireworks over the river. Friday I came home, finished painting the boys' room, and then took the kids to the lake, where we swam, dived off the cliffs, and watched more fireworks. Yesterday we put the boys' furniture back in their room and rearranged some stuff so the house no longer looks like a work zone. Today was church, time with cousins, and getting started on taxes, finally. Tomorrow the new car will be done and delivered. All in all, I had a better, more productive weekend than I have had in the last month.

Football practice starts tomorrow, so B will have less time to fill, which is good for the both of us. The kids are really liking camp and getting to be better swimmers. The weather has been very nice (the same lack of humidity that let the paint dry quickly has made it very comfortable) so working on projects has been enjoyable. I am hoping to get a lot done this week and weekend before family stuff gets here. We'll have two weekends of family activities at the same time work gets nutty again, but maybe the mellowness of this little break will hold me for a while.