Annual Letter to Him

Hey. Not much to write about, but it just seemed like it was about that time again. I am thinking back about the past year, trying to decide what has changed and what has stayed the same.

In family news, B has started junior high and the twins have started Kindergarden. We are staying busy with football, soccer, church and other activities. In work news, I am crazy busy right now with our annual conference, but as soon as I feel no obligation to my boss, I am going to start looking again for a new job.  For awhile I settled for just keeping an eye out for something, but now I am actively putting the word out to select colleagues and scouring the ads. I had thought I would be going to Florida next month, but that has changed. Other than being annoyed by the way my boss handled it, I don't mind not making the trip. I truly have enough to keep me occupied right now without another trip to plan.

Looking back, I wonder how I ever had so much time to spend chatting with and texting you all of the time. Was I less busy then? Was I neglecting my family? I try to tell myself  that surely if I had been that consumed with whatever it was we were doing, someone would have noticed. Then again, I had a husband who barely seemed to notice anything I did or didn't do. In that respect, things are a bit different now. Better in some ways. Just different in others.

So on one hand, nothing much has changed. Life is still busy with the same people and concerns. If anything is different, it must be my attitude. I wouldn't say I am happy, or even particularly satisfied with life right now. But I have quit looking for other people to make me happy. Instead, I am realistic about what I can and can not do or have. I content myself with kicking ass at the stuff I get right, and try to back off from the things I can't change. And that break from reality a few years ago? That's a distant memory.

I'd ask you how things are for you on your end, but...

To be honest, when I think back to the last time I thought about you, all I can come up with are questions. Not deep philosophical questions, or questions about feelings, but two very straightforward questions:

Why did you leave school, really? And when you kept apologizing for "what you had done to me", were you referring to leaving without looking back, or did you end up with a big wad of money from me that wasn't all yours to have?

No matter, it's not like we'll ever talk again. I'll just close by saying that I hope things are going well for you and your family. I hope you have at least found your happy place again.

I'll keep looking for mine, in places where I might actually find it. We'll see where I am next year at this time :)