Hate

The girl tucked her coat around her arms and pressed herself into the corner. Neva sat to her left, and Kirsten sat on the outside. She leaned her head against the cold glass of the window. Crap it was cold, but it was still the best seat for the trip. She settled in for the ride home.

The bus was groaning down the first winding hill out of Kellyville. She wasn’t sleeping, or even daydreaming, but was in sort of a lull when she sensed and then felt movement. She felt something touch her right side and reached down to push it away. At the same time, a voice next to her ear whispered “Don’t”. She tried again to push the hand away, but he was insistent. She pulled her coat tight with her left hand and tried with the other to deter the hand that kept grasping at her. It was surprisingly hard to move his arm from where he had it wedged between the seat and the wall, especially if she didn’t want to attract attention to herself. She could hear him murmuring something, whether to her or to his seatmate she couldn’t tell. She couldn’t turn her head to reply to him, but she knew who was behind her.

She made herself as still and unresponsive as possible and tried to pretend this was not happening. She was sure this would somehow be seen as her fault if anyone found out. At the very least she would be referred to by the tacky nicknames used for girls who let themselves get felt up on a bus full of people. For all she knew, everyone in the seat behind her was already getting a play by play about how he had managed to undo her pants and work his hand inside. God, she hated him. She tried not to cry when she realized her body was betraying her, growing damp in response to the persistent fumbling of a boy she had literally hated since kindergarten. She bit her lip and vowed that she would never stop hating him.

Years later she would remember the scene and imagine herself standing up and punching him in the face and threatening to break his arm if he ever touched her again. Instead, she fastened he pants as discreetly as possible. She nudged Neva with her elbow and said “Hey, it’s really cold. Will you trade me places for awhile?” She hated him for a long time after that, until one day she grew up and didn't feel anything at all.