Grind on This

So I went to the dentist today for a routine cleaning, blah blah blah. No cavities, some sensitive spots, still grinding my teeth. I can't wear a mouthpiece because I literally chew it up and spit it out in my sleep. I have resisted getting a custom one because a) the geek factor and b) the expense, but the dentist doesn't push it. Instead, he asks if I have had anything especially stressful going on since my last visit.

Well, Dr. Brad, there's the fact that my husband lost his job last summer. He has been trying to get a business of his own up and running, some months with more success than others. In the meantime, I am covering all of the household bills, which now include health and dental insurance, but not B's orthodontic expenses. My job is OK, although sometimes my boss annoys the crap out of me. I cover her butt all the time and make excuses and apologies for her. I don't like looking helpless, which I fell this does, but I haven't got a better option yet. Working on it, secure in the knowledge that she probably wouldn't fire me even if I did nothing, because she knows I could get her in trouble.

I am driving a van with 207,000 miles on it and no idea when we will be able to replace it. The fan makes a screeching noise which I hide by cranking up the (high-quality factory) radio. I am not paying daycare and try to pretend I don't know where that money is coming from. I also cross my fingers every time it storms because we have random leak in our roof, in addition to all of the other assorted things that need done to our house. I would secretly wish for a tornado to come along if I didn't suspect that our homeowner's insurance is woefully inadequate.

The apartments are doing OK, although they are not exactly an asset these days. We are only spending money on the essentials and putting things off as much as we can. I am trying to think of a cool birthday gift/party for B that doesn't cost a fortune.

Aside from the money stress, one of my children managed to bring home head lice, which is a pain in the butt I don't need right now. I have been washing and treating everything in sight, trying to get rid of them before a whole baseball team gets them. And speaking of baseball, L and D's coach is all worried about what color of socks and pants do we want and do we want their names on their shirts, blah blah blah. I would grab her by the shoulders and tell her to shut her pie hole and let them actually practice instead of playing in the dirt, except she outweighs me by at least 50 pounds.

Add to that the fact that I have been just generally down for the last couple of weeks. I have really wished I had someone to talk to about all of this, but I have no idea who that would be. Facebook is useless, not close enough to my family members to tell them everything that is on my mind, and the couple of people I might otherwise open up to are busy with their own lives right now. So does that leave me unloading to my hair stylist? Nope, can't afford her right now. My dentist? To his question about stress, I just said "Mmmm, not really."

And I go out into the world with a big smile to show off my nice clean teeth, hoping no one notices that the smile doesn't quite reach the rest of my face.