Billy Goes to School

When I was in the 6^th grade, our teacher assigned us a show and tell project. This was no ordinary show and tell project. Over the next few months, each of us would be allowed to bring a pet to school. We would tell about the type of animal our pet was, and anything we wanted to tell about our pet in particular.

My presentation was months away. I had a dog. I wasn’t worried.

Over the next month, I realized that other kids had dogs too, and mine was nothing special. I really wanted my presentation to be special. I had a horse, but I doubted the school would allow me to bring a horse. My dad didn’t let us have indoor pets, so no hamster or turtle, and he despised cats. Other than a fat, lazy dog, who only knew one trick, what did I have?

I had Billy. Billy had silky black hair, and gentle brown eyes. He was fun and friendly and followed me everywhere. He would be a big hit.

That night, I asked my mom if she could bring Billy to school for my presentation. She asked when it was, and then said, “Sorry, I have to take your grandma to the doctor that day”. Yeah, right, Grandma goes to the doctor two, maybe three times a year. What are the odds she had to go on the same day as my presentation? But the odds were not in my favor. I would have to come up with another idea. I thought some more.

This was my first experience with the planning and logistics for a special event, and what an event it would be, if everything worked out. My plan hinged on three things: 1^st, my mom would have to be able to bring or take Billy to the school one way, if she couldn’t do both. 2^nd, a man named Dave would have to be willing to help. And 3^rd, the school would have to allow me to bring a goat to school. That’s right, Billy the Goat was going to school!

Believe it or not, the plan came together. On the day of my presentation, my mom loaded Billy in her Ford Bronco and dropped him off at the school. I knew he had arrived when we heard a commotion outside and someone saying, “OMG, a goat”.

Our school was long and narrow, with a covered breezeway along one side. In front of each entrance was a boot scraper. The boot scrapers were about this tall and this wide, with a strip along the bottom. I don’t recall ever using them for anything besides amateur gymnastics. I am pretty sure I had never seen one used as a hitching post for a goat.

When it was time for my presentation, the class gathered and went outside. Seems it was OK to bring a goat to school, but not in the school. I untied Billy and led him around while I told my classmates about goats. Then I let people pet him and ask questions. What does he eat? Everything. What does do? Not much, and no, he doesn’t know any tricks. Then I gave him some water and tied him up until it was time to go meet Dave.

Dave was what my parents referred to as a “hippy”. He was married to someone named Melody. She didn’t wear any makeup like the other moms did. They had a son. Most of the boys in my class had New Testament names, like David, and Steven, and Mark. Their son had an Old Testament name. Dave, Melody and Jonah could be seen driving around town in a green VW micro bus…when Dave and Melody were not behind the wheels of bright yellow public school buses. That’s right, Billy was riding the bus!

As we boarded the bus, it occurred to me that maybe Dave hadn’t actually asked for permission to let Billy ride. He motioned for us to sit right here, pointing at that seat no one likes. You know, the one right behind the driver where there is nobody to talk to, nothing to see, nothing to do except kick the panel between you and the back of the driver’s seat. “Keep him off of the seat and out of the aisle”, said Dave.

No problem. Billy was a pro. He didn’t try to hide under anyone’s seat. He didn’t bite anyone. He didn’t make a mess on the floor (unlike some people’s pets).

When I got home, I turned Billy loose. That night at dinner, my Dad asked how my project had gone. “OK”, I said. “What’s wrong? Will you get a good grade?” “Oh sure, it was all about the presentation. I did fine.”

Over the next few weeks, I sat through a few more presentations about dogs. I came to realize that Billy was no more special than an old dog. In fact, he was kind of a pain in the butt. He was meant to eat weeds and brush around our property. Instead, he mostly hung around the house, where he made a mess of the garbage and left hoof prints on my mom's car. But he was special in the fact that he was the only goat to visit our school, and got to ride the bus, no less!