Letter to Spammers

OK guys, I have had the same email address for about 10 years, so I guess you feel like you know me. You don't. If you know me, you know that:

• There is absolutely no need for Viagra in this household. Other products possibly, but not that.
• I would not be surprised if the FBI had a file on me. I would be surprised if it was because you were offering me a job. Same to you Homeland Security and ICE. I am not interested in becoming a Border Patrol Agent.
• I am known to a number of African dignitaries. You should know by now that I have no money to spare. Call your local pirates.
• I do not want to participate in surveys or other "free" offers. If I truly want a timeshare in the Ozarks, whiter teeth, term life insurance or a fortune made on ebay, I know where to find you.
• I am also not interested in my daily horoscope or printing my own coupons.
• Ha ha ha, only a moron would offer me a line of credit.
• I Want to be Sedated by the Ramones is a great ringtone. I am not interested in any others, free or otherwise.
• You can quit searching for me. I am not lost. I have been in the same place for a while now, and am probably not going anywhere anytime soon.
• As for you, AARP and singles over 50, you not only don't know me, you are kind of starting to piss me off. If I am still at this address in another 10 years, you'll know where to find me.