Forward

What a very weird last couple of weeks it has been. Things were already kind of tense, between waiting on L's job situation, the election, my job hunt, B in general, and everything else.

Starting with the election, I am pretty pleased with the result, except that my district re-elected an idiot to the Senate. My co-worker and I have had lots of laughs at the expense of the people who feel their "side" "lost". If even a small portion of them would just shut their pie holes or move to Wyoming already, it wouldn't hurt my feelings a bit. I did get unfriended by one person. No great loss, I was about to cut him loose if he hadn't had the coconuts to do it himself. As for Rob, we'll see.

L started job training with Maverick on Sunday. I can tell already that there are going to be things I like about it, but that it is going to be very hard. He's gonna need to check in often to make sure I haven't killed B. Or maybe we'll get in a groove-last night we did alright. He's a good kid, but he got his momma's smart mouth and his dad's stubbornness, which means he is often in trouble, but never, ever "wrong".

Wednesday night I had weird dreams, which I haven't had in awhile. The cluttered version of the art building from college and the attic under construction are both recurring, but the dream of someone from college that turned a little kinky was definitely new! Not sure where that came from.

Lunch yesterday with Pam and Kim was good, and the craft thing tomorrow will be fun. I am trying very hard to reach out to people and to quit being so tight about admitting when I am not OK. After the thing in the morning, I am taking L to get her ears pierced for her birthday. D wants his to be a surprise. Then lunch with them at school on their birthday, and probably headed to OK for Thanksgiving. We don't always go, but coming so soon after G's passing, everyone has decided to make the effort this year. Hoping to go to CO again for Christmas, but won't know details until after next week.

I hate not being able to make a plan, but I am trying to adjust to the fact that this is how life is going to be for awhile. Forward :)

Random Fall Thoughts

Wow, what a difference a month makes. The last post was one of those posts just for something to write. Then on September 25th, L's grandma passed away. We spent the next week in OK, then came home to begin prepping for the next phase. Biggest news of the last few weeks:

• L starts his new job on Sunday, if all of his tests go well.
• B is grounded into literally next year. For what? you ask. Mostly for having a smart mouth. Pretty sure he got that from his dad :)
• L's art work was featured in the county fair, where she received a blue ribbon and $2!
• Idiot neighbor kid broke one of our windows right before the weather got bad, so we haven't fixed it yet. Don't we look like the white trashiest house on the block!
• Applying for every job that looks remotely like something better than what I have.
• Other than the window, our house is looking pretty great. L's room almost finished, boys' room almost finished, warm weather forecast for Saturday, when we hope to get everything winterized and wrapped up before L starts new gig.
• Yeah, Peyton Manning's alright after all.

And the last word, in the news that is so old news, can I just say that I am SO sick of the political hate that is going around right now. I live in a state that no self-respecting politician ever visits, I already know who I am voting for, and if those people didn't go to my church, I would have un-friended them months ago.

Annual Letter to Him

Hey. Not much to write about, but it just seemed like it was about that time again. I am thinking back about the past year, trying to decide what has changed and what has stayed the same.

In family news, B has started junior high and the twins have started Kindergarden. We are staying busy with football, soccer, church and other activities. In work news, I am crazy busy right now with our annual conference, but as soon as I feel no obligation to my boss, I am going to start looking again for a new job.  For awhile I settled for just keeping an eye out for something, but now I am actively putting the word out to select colleagues and scouring the ads. I had thought I would be going to Florida next month, but that has changed. Other than being annoyed by the way my boss handled it, I don't mind not making the trip. I truly have enough to keep me occupied right now without another trip to plan.

Looking back, I wonder how I ever had so much time to spend chatting with and texting you all of the time. Was I less busy then? Was I neglecting my family? I try to tell myself  that surely if I had been that consumed with whatever it was we were doing, someone would have noticed. Then again, I had a husband who barely seemed to notice anything I did or didn't do. In that respect, things are a bit different now. Better in some ways. Just different in others.

So on one hand, nothing much has changed. Life is still busy with the same people and concerns. If anything is different, it must be my attitude. I wouldn't say I am happy, or even particularly satisfied with life right now. But I have quit looking for other people to make me happy. Instead, I am realistic about what I can and can not do or have. I content myself with kicking ass at the stuff I get right, and try to back off from the things I can't change. And that break from reality a few years ago? That's a distant memory.

I'd ask you how things are for you on your end, but...

To be honest, when I think back to the last time I thought about you, all I can come up with are questions. Not deep philosophical questions, or questions about feelings, but two very straightforward questions:

Why did you leave school, really? And when you kept apologizing for "what you had done to me", were you referring to leaving without looking back, or did you end up with a big wad of money from me that wasn't all yours to have?

No matter, it's not like we'll ever talk again. I'll just close by saying that I hope things are going well for you and your family. I hope you have at least found your happy place again.

I'll keep looking for mine, in places where I might actually find it. We'll see where I am next year at this time :)