The Moderately Distressing Turning Point

Oh no, no, no.  This day is going on the calendar as the Day of the MDTP - the Moderately Distressing Turning Point.

My "Facebook Flirtation" is going on month three.  For a couple of weeks now I have been trying to find the words to write more about it, with no success. Then today on the way home it just hit me and I literally had to catch my breath.  I have been so excited about getting to know him all over again, but in the back of my mind I figured it would eventually play itself out.  That may still eventually happen, but it doesn't appear to be happening any time soon.  I admit that I very much do not want that to happen.

My dilemma is that I care very much for him and I sincerely want him to be happy, but I am pretty sure I am not going to be able to do that for him.  I wanted very much to be able to tell him how I feel, and give him the chance to decide if what I can offer him is enough, but I hadn't found the right words.  A kinder person would probably just cut him loose, quick and neat.  But the truth is that I am selfish and I like him and I like having him around and whatever we have is important to me right now.  I realized that I haven't wanted to write or say or do anything that might change things, because from my standpoint things are pretty good.

I have made a conscious decision that even that even though I know I am being selfish, and no good can come of this, I am going to do whatever I can to hold on to whatever this thing is.  I am going to stop telling him that he deserves better (he does) and try to stop feeling guilty for keeping him hanging on.  I will tell myself that he is responsible for his own decisions as much as I am responsible for mine.  One of us will most probably wind up getting hurt.  I will do everything possible to make sure it isn't him.